I'm enjoying a season of new found freedom in the love of the Father. The simple truth of the commands "Loving God" and "Loving my neighbor" has taken on new meaning, and in doing so, revelation has come - what is true relationship, and why do I keep trying to build something?
"Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain." (Psalm 127:1a)
So what does it mean to allow the Lord to build His house? I used to get really into this sort of thing - what does the last-day church look like? where does the 5-fold ministry fit into that? where are the signs and wonders? what is His plan for my life? All this analyzing, striving, and anxiety over what to do and how to get there. Why was I so focused on the form? It has been some time that I've come to the understanding of the form not being all that important. I used to lead the parade of banner wavers for home church, but that seemed to be just religion in the home...I was disillusioned...so what was I to do?
Now I'm understanding this a little better. I am to live in a life lived loved by my Father, and seize opportunities that He gives to love "my neighbor." What a concept! I've slowed down life enough to see His presence in engaging with people I wouldn't have chosen left to myself. Places I would never expect, either - Lowe's, the beach, the lake, in my cube at work, etc. And it took no force or manipulation, no need to drive the conversation one way or another...all this, and it didn't happen in a church building, during a meeting, or at a 'home group.' Could this be how He's building His church? Taking a group of nobodies with no agenda and allowing Him to arrange appointments, meetings, encounters, etc. for when and what we need? I always thought I needed to find a group of "likeminded people" so we could "fellowship" on things we agreed on...hmm...maybe I was struggling with a complex of wanting to be accepted...hmm...
The most freeing part of this journey for me now is this - Jesus said when you pray, pray like this, "give us this day our daily bread." I was always looking to the future, and today was only relevant in how it applied to how I was getting to my destination. The destination was basically how I was to build a ministry for Him. So with my attention focused so much on "my destiny and purpose", I was missing out on the today...the people He had right in front of me who He wanted to use to touch me, and He wanted me to sew into. This wasn't about me ministering down to people and gaining a following, as though I was an authority on something...that's not very humbling...He didn't want me to arrive at that place, and by His grace I don't think I'm there. But now I don't need to worry about the future. Jesus said today has enough worry of its own. If by His grace He reveals something down the road, my flesh wants to fill the gaps and arrive at the destination without Him...so now I find myself at rest, living out each day with Him. What a freedom!
More on this later...
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