My life has changed forever! We are hosting a beautiful, wonderful girl from Latvia for 5 weeks. After only 3 days, I knew this was our daughter, whether she ever comes to live with us or not. There is a long, tragic story that lies behind a beautiful smile. For her sake, I won't share much of it here.
I have cried more in one week than I have in my entire life. Oh how I love this wonderful girl! My heart's desire is for her to be here, but she has some very big decisions to make. This is where the Lord has had me for most of her stay. For one, I try in my mind to figure out all the things that have to come together for her to be here. At the same time, wonder if that is something she would even want...the Lord just told me to live today to it's fullest - for tomorrow has enough worry of it's own. It isn't August 4th, yet - the day she goes home. Children are masters of living in the moment and living for today, fully dependent on their parents for everything - this is where He wants me - full trust.
But the other, more sobering thing Father has been showing me has unveiled through conversation with her and getting to know her story. Almost 13 years ago, here in America, two naive newlyweds in their late teens were about to have their first child and discover what a loving heavenly Father can do for 2 people who trust in Him. In a world away, another little girl was born, destined for life with many more trials, turmoil, and tragedy. This world is a really cruel and an unfair place. At 12, this girl must choose between remaining in an orphanage with a fractured family that visits sporadically while sticking with the familiar, or become a part of a new loving family at the expense of living half a world away from everything she has known her whole life. This world is a scary place for someone at 12 with no boundaries, no discipline, and no one cheering them on and encouraging them.
My heart breaks for this little girl. It isn't fair that at 12 she has to make decisions that will chart the course for the rest of her life. Life isn't fair.
I think the sadest part for me is she doesn't know anything different. Her reality is living in an orphanage. She told me not to be sad for her; that her situation is "ok." It's NOT OK!!!! I want the world for her, I'd do anything for her, buy her anything.
There are so many things God is sharing with me through this time. Things that are helping me grow as a father and as a person, as well as growth in my children, and ways to help her. I just pray that I can survive August 4th - the day she returns to Latvia.
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