3 Days to Change a Life

My life has changed forever! We are hosting a beautiful, wonderful girl from Latvia for 5 weeks. After only 3 days, I knew this was our daughter, whether she ever comes to live with us or not. There is a long, tragic story that lies behind a beautiful smile. For her sake, I won't share much of it here.

I have cried more in one week than I have in my entire life. Oh how I love this wonderful girl! My heart's desire is for her to be here, but she has some very big decisions to make. This is where the Lord has had me for most of her stay. For one, I try in my mind to figure out all the things that have to come together for her to be here. At the same time, wonder if that is something she would even want...the Lord just told me to live today to it's fullest - for tomorrow has enough worry of it's own. It isn't August 4th, yet - the day she goes home. Children are masters of living in the moment and living for today, fully dependent on their parents for everything - this is where He wants me - full trust.

But the other, more sobering thing Father has been showing me has unveiled through conversation with her and getting to know her story. Almost 13 years ago, here in America, two naive newlyweds in their late teens were about to have their first child and discover what a loving heavenly Father can do for 2 people who trust in Him. In a world away, another little girl was born, destined for life with many more trials, turmoil, and tragedy. This world is a really cruel and an unfair place. At 12, this girl must choose between remaining in an orphanage with a fractured family that visits sporadically while sticking with the familiar, or become a part of a new loving family at the expense of living half a world away from everything she has known her whole life. This world is a scary place for someone at 12 with no boundaries, no discipline, and no one cheering them on and encouraging them.

My heart breaks for this little girl. It isn't fair that at 12 she has to make decisions that will chart the course for the rest of her life. Life isn't fair.

I think the sadest part for me is she doesn't know anything different. Her reality is living in an orphanage. She told me not to be sad for her; that her situation is "ok." It's NOT OK!!!! I want the world for her, I'd do anything for her, buy her anything.

There are so many things God is sharing with me through this time. Things that are helping me grow as a father and as a person, as well as growth in my children, and ways to help her. I just pray that I can survive August 4th - the day she returns to Latvia.

Grass, mowers, and coming to the end of oneself

There I was, sitting in the middle of my yard overwhelmed by the lawn and all the work around me, having discovered yet another snake slithering through in the backyard earlier in the day. The grass was about 6 inches tall again. I had borrowed a tractor from a friend to mow the yard about a week prior. I remembered as I was riding it thinking this is what I needed here. I had tried to figure out a way to sell the 3 or 4 pieces of equipment I had that were broken down in order to muster enough money to buy something more suited for our property. I didn't have any money. It was my 25th attempt at fixing the lawn mower I had. I was tired. I had a million other things to do. I lamented to God. I remember telling Him something like, "Basically the only way I see this working out, Father, is if someone just drops by with something - I know you can do that...and I think that's what it's going to take, because this isn't working. I've had enough!" I finally finished by saying, "You put us here in this place, and this is where you want us, so if this is true, you figure out how to get this lawn mowed. I'm finished!" At that, I walked in the house and didn't give another thought to the jungle overtaking us.

"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule." (Matt 5:3 MSG)

That's where I was...at the end of my rope. I wasn't full of angst, worry or anger - just finished. I wasn't going to worry about it anymore...it was God's problem, whether I lived in a snake-filled house and yard, or could lose the children in the lawn within 4 feet of the deck - wasn't my problem - God could handle it.

I spent the week telling my children how God cares for us. There were a few fights to break up over "this is mine" or "that wasn't fair" and my response as of late has been to relax and just trust. God has been showing me to trust. He cares for us, he knows the number of hairs on our head. He'll take care of things if we let Him. He said to seek him first, and he'll add that other stuff to us - but seek Him first. Relax and trust, learning to live in the love of the Father...

Then I got a call from a friend this week. He told me to stop by because he had something to give me. When my wife asked what it was, I joked and said it was a car. Well, was I shocked when it was his lawn tractor! The thing is worth more than my car!!! He had said God told him to give it to me, that God wanted to love on me. I was absolutely shocked and humbled! I was taken back by my friend's willingness and obedience. It was so awesome to be able to hear about how God was using this to shape my friend and at the same time knowing what He was up to here.

Nothing is wasted with God! It absolutely amazes me how He is able to work all things together and that He does do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine!

Offenses

And the Lord said, “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.”

But he said to Him, “Lord, I am ready to go with You, both to prison and to death.”

Then He said, “I tell you, Peter, the rooster shall not crow this day before you will deny three times that you know Me.” (Luke 24:31-34)

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This passage amazes me. I'm not sure why it escaped me before, but here is Jesus preparing for the cross and has one friend sell him off to the government for a few bucks, and another who was about to say he didn't even know him! All the while, Jesus remained calm and forgiving.

Father has been showing me as of late how I have room to improve in this area of relating to people who will let me down. Jesus addresses Peter here as "Simon" - I'm not sure if Jesus is indicating that Peter is about to operate in the flesh and not exactly the "rock" in which the name Peter means. Jesus always looked to his Father for everything - he didn't need people. I'm sure in that instance, I would have been angry with Peter, trying to figure out which other misfit had to be the start of this ministry I was trying to start. I would have to settle the recent "who is the greatest" argument by assuring them they're not as great as me and that they'll get this ready at some point, all the while being incredibly let down and angry with God because of where He had led me, possibly questioning if I had missed a step along the way and was out of His will.

So whatever happens in this life really pales in comparison to what Jesus walked through for us. The point being, though, is the same power in him now resonates in us!