Evangelism

I have given some thought to evangelism as of late.  I have listened to discussions on the hour in which we live, who to share with, and how to share.  How would I "share" Jesus?

I thought of an allegory of sorts.  If Jenn, my wife, was always talking about her groom, and someone wanted to meet me, it could look like any of these scenes.  These are some takes on how I would have described Him in the past...

"You've come to meet my groom-to-be?  He is so wonderful.  He is kind and compassionate, always listening.  He is so wonderful.  Let me

  A.) take you upstairs to his room.  I'd love to show you his room.

  B.)  take you into the kitchen.  I can show you our calendar and how many activities we do together.

  C.)  take you upstairs .  I have all his love letters to me bound together in a book.

  D.) show you my jewelry box.  He has given me so much jewelry.  Then I can show you all of the gifts He's bought me over the years.

  E.) show you all the things he's done around here.  He's so good at doing my honey-do list!

  F.) get you to help me with all this stuff I need to get done for him.  I know if I don't do all this stuff and stay busy, he's going to get mad.  But he's so wonderful.

   G.) go get him and introduce you to him.  We can sit back and take a rest, all of us together.  He has blessed me in so many ways!

I think if I was at the door, and the response was A-F, my initial response would be, "Did he die?  Has he left on vacation?  Why can't I meet him?"  Maybe that's where the world is with His bride.  Kind of reminds me of Elijah, mocking the folks worshiping their idols and waiting for their false gods to deliver them.  Or, is it what Jesus said?  Have we waited too long, so we've started beating each other up (Lk12:45)?  I think we have emotionally and spiritually in our hurts, angst, and disappointments...

I can remember in the early part of my walk, if someone asked about my journey, I'd tell them where I went to church, tell them about a pastor or teacher, or all the things we did at the church.  But as I moved into the discipline of prayer, I made my list of what I wanted or what other people wanted and took it to God.  Many times that led to disappointment when my list didn't get done just as I wanted.  Then we moved into charismatic flavors of the church, and it was all about the gifts.  You have to move in the gifts.  And you better be busy pressing in, praying for stuff in a certain way for a certain length of time, or else He'll get mad and smite our state, town, country, etc.  And if it is really important, starve yourself - He'll change His mind if He sees His bride starving herself!  Then, let's make the form different - as if religion at home in a home church is any different than any other religious institution.  Wayne Jacobsen likes to say, "At least the Pope is in Rome." 

Let's call sin for what it is - It is doing anything apart from Him.

I have been there myself [heartache for the lost], I know their deal and devotion; their problem is not their passion, but their ignorance.  They are tirelessly busy with their own efforts to justify themselves while blatantly ignoring the fact that God already justified them in Christ.  -Romans 10:2-3 Mirror

The message puts it this way:

I readily admit that the Jews are impressively energetic regarding God—but they are doing everything exactly backward. They don’t seem to realize that this comprehensive setting-things-right that is salvation is God’s business, and a most flourishing business it is. Right across the street they set up their own salvation shops and noisily hawk their wares. After all these years of refusing to really deal with God on his terms, insisting instead on making their own deals, they have nothing to show for it.

Sound familiar?  Paul could write that today.  God's terms, be still and know Him.  Rest.  Enter into His rest.  It still means works - fruit - but through faith.  It's effortless.  If it is works without faith or *for* Him, without entering His rest, it's exhausting.  Rest apart from Him is merely laziness and life in the lust of the flesh...and that's not rest!

The culmination of this journey is summed up in a Person.  Not in the word.  Not in the law.  Not in experiences.  Not in gifts.  Not even in blessings.  I'm thankful for all those things as a bonus to the Person of Jesus, and the relationship with Him.  Unfortunately I still stay too busy to see Him in everyday unfolding of life.  Today has enough worry of it's own.  See what unfolds as He puts things and people on our hearts.  Live loved!

Me and God

We asked for God to break our hearts with the things that break His. He's doing it. We are learning so much about Him and how He views us. It's so heart-breaking and gut-wrenching. It hurts.

There have been several things that have reasonated in my spirit this week:

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -Thomas Edison

"The most prickly of children is often the one that needs the affection the most" -Jenn's friend

I've posted below from Divine Nobodies by Jim Palmer. I posted this before, but I was re-reading it this week. God lead me to it and I think it is so applicable to where I am at. As I read, I realized, I'm sitting in 13D. Do I really want to go here with God?

Read below:

"From Nashville, we covered 8,792 miles to get there, and soon after arriving I was plunged into an evil I hoped existed only in nightmares. I would have long since conveniently buried this experience beneath a mountain of rationalizations if I hadn't looked deep into the vacant eyes of a twelve-year-old sex slave and vowed never to forget. Her expression cannot be purged from memory, and sometimes my mind plays tricks by imposing her face on some little girl I see walking in the mall or playing in the park. Returning to my past world of ignorance would relieve my grief, but it's impossible to go back.

He goes on to depict some graphic and horrific details that I won't put here. He goes on to give details of his mission with the International Justice Mission, a group which deploys operatives around the globe to rescue victims of horrific human rights crimes, usually involving children. He goes on, talking about being confronted with the realities of this world being right in front of him, and no longer buried in the obscure sections in the back of the newspaper. He goes on:

My worldview was turned upside down in the length of time it took to walk past the line of little girls waiting outside a clinic to receive treatment for AIDS and every sexually transmitted disease imaginable. I couldn't get back on the plane to Nashville quick enough.

I've done my share of globe-hopping, traveling to parts of the world most wouldn't be too interested to vacation in. One has a lot of time to kill on those long international flights, especially if you're like me and can't sleep well on planes. Flying home from South Asia, my books were stuffed in the bottom of my duffel bag, lost somewhere in the abyss of the overhead compartment. I decided I didn't want to risk waking up the kid next to me, who had finally stopped crying and gone to sleep. I had read every newspaper, was not interested in purchasing a thingamabob from the Sky Mall magazine, and had already seen Father of the Bride twice. So I sat and I thought...

Have you ever stopped to wonder, Where was God today? Yes, I know God is 'omnipresent,' but I mean specifically, where was God today? Where did he go? What did he see? How did he feel? I began imagining God present at that miraculous moment a precious life was born into the world, the joy and marvel of the newborn bearing God's image and uniquely fashioned by his hands. Taking in the beauty of a brilliant blazing sun slowly descending behind endless ocean waves, I have felt the company of the Creator amid the splendor of his handiwork. Jogging a woodland trail one autumn morning I passed an aged couple leisurely strolling in conversation hand in hand. God must have been there smiling as these soul mates shared a ripe and tender love, a gift from God, who is himself named Love. These simple but magnificent miracles inspire love and adoration for God deep within and draw me to him.

Somewhere over the Atlantic, forty thousand feet about the earth, these nice thoughts about God gave way to disturbing images I wish I could forget from my trip. Now the question, where was God today? tortured me. Today a ten-year-old girl is being strapped down tight to a bed and brutally and repeatedly raped. God is present. Today an eight-year-old emaciated boy is covered with a cardboard box and left to die. Slowly he slips into unconsciousness. God is present. Today a young mom of three wails in bed as her skeletal body writhes with the unrelenting agony of AIDS. God is present. Still, I grew angry. Why was God pushing these horrors in my face? I was emotionally spent and wanted to go home to myworld. God could have that world; that was his deal; he's God; I didn't live in that world.

Or did I?

Sitting in 13D, I uncovered something unsettling about myself. I don't really want a 'relationship' with God. Here's what I want. I want to share with God all I feel, all I need, all that grieves me, all that makes me happy, the puzzling things, the fun things, and the hard things, but I would prefer that God keep his stuff to himself. I don't want to hear about his pain and share in his grief. I don't mind listening to God as long as I'm receiving solutions, answers, and advice. Maybe what I really want is a divine vending machine: pop in my prayer, press the button for my need, and I'm good to go. A professional live-in massage therapist and a Starbucks within walking distance would be nice too.

Any relationship involves two people, you and the other. It seems that in a 'relationship' with God, we would desire to listen to the Other to learn what the Other is really like. But how is this possible without going through the adventure of each day with the Other? Can we personally and intimately know someone without sharing experiences, and doing things together--little things as well as big things, and taking the risks of love together? Wouldn't we want to learn how to love those whom the Other loves, to see them through his eyes? We would want to rest and celebrate together, to share beautiful things, to laugh together. But wouldn't we also want to enter into the pain and grief the Other feels when pain, injustice, and cruelty are inflicted upon those he loves? In every abusive home where a child cries in fear and pain, and in every city street where a homeless person shivers under newspapers on the pavement, the living Christ is there. Whether it's across town or on the other side of the globe, suffering people surround us. Maybe 'carrying Jesus' cross' is our free choice to become compassionately involved with him in the pain of others and be partners with God in bringing healing and transformation.

Just a small glimpse into God's world was enough for me. It's staggering to consider the intensity of anger and anguish I felt witnessing just a few injustices compared to what God must feel being personally and fully present to countless such heinous horrors 24/7. You'd have to be comatose not to feel God's hurt and anger ooze from the pages of Scripture over the oppression of the weak and vulnerable. Even after all my sophisticated exegesis of the Old Testament prophets and words of Jesus, I can't seem to get away from the fact that the main message of God to his people about injustice is to get off our rear ends and do something! This goes way deeper than feeling guilty about doing more; I'm trying to figure our how I got to the place where the things that break the heart of God are so marginal to mine.

I'm starting to wonder if I can even have a 'relationship' with God this way, and I'm left with the question of how much I really want to know God. There's no having it both ways. Whether I like it or not, the God who dances over the breathtaking sunrise weeps over each victim of brutality.

Any relationship runs the risk of drifting apart over time. Take boy meets girl. In the hunting phase (or 'dating' phase), guys become mysteriously and happily engaged in virtually everything the woman has interest in, including endless browsing at Pier 1 and watching Brad Pitt movies. We become brainwashed in love. College football, working out, and playing golf are easily sacrificed on the altar of love. They get married, and five years later, she's at the mall with a friend, and he's at home TiVo-ing the big game and watching Terminator 5 while running on the treadmill. They have grown apart due to their separate interests. When I started off with Jesus, I wanted to know everything about him. I would have gone anywhere and done anything at any cost. As the years rolled on, somehow I became less interested in him and more interested in me. More specifically, what he could do for me. Rather than a relationship, my Christianity morphed into some sort of divine self-help philosophy, problem-solving plan, and life-improvement strategy.

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I had a few moments alone with Varsha on a bench in the outdoor courtyard of the recovery ranch where she now lives. We sat and talked. I learned that being saved from the brothel was just the first step on her long and difficult road to freedom. It was going to take a lifetime to recover from the physical, emotional, and spiritual damage she had experienced. She knows one thing: this Jesus must be worth knowing if his followers risk their lives to rescue nobodies like her. Reaching into a brown paper bag, she bashfully pulled out a braided leather necklace and presented it to me. She made it herself. Part of the healing process had been her discovering a talent for making jewelry and dresses, which she sold at the market.

It was time for her to go; she had an appointment at the AIDS clinic in the city and an afternoon counseling session. I felt awkward and didn't know what to say. Wanting to hug her, I had become timid myself. Time was ticking, and so I clumsily asked, 'Do you mind if I give you a hug good-bye?' As we embraced, I closed my eyes. This was a holy moment. In my arms was a precious and priceless daughter of God. One million new girls every year around the world are forced into child prositution. Can someone like me or you really make any difference in such a massive sea of hurting people? It may not seem like much, but in moments like this, the ability to impact one life means a lot. God knows this one by name, and now she is free.

Sometimes what happens in our world is absolute evil, unimaginable chaos, and a stunning reversal of God's intent for creation. When my heart is broken open by suffering, especially suffering caused by human selfishness and cruelty, I meet a more complex God than I would prefer. Sometimes he is an uncomforting God who does not provide easy, consoling answers to my pleading question, Why? At other times he is a discomforting God, and his grief is simultaneously a cry for justice that enters creation like a mighty storm, rousing God's people from their sleep. While we wait in the darkness and ask God, 'Why did you let this happen?' God hurls the question back to us: "Wake up, people, to what is happening. Why do you let this happen in the world I gave you?'

Whenever people are victims of injustice, God desires intervention. Some people in our world suffer from lack of food, water, shelter, or medical care. I'm beginning to see there's a whole other category of suffering in the world, namely, oppression. It's a crime of opportunity when powerful people exploit the weak and vulnerable by taking what they have or forcing them to do what they otherwise wouldn't. This grieves and angers God, and we reflect his image in us when we refuse to tolerate it. This God is both powerful and vulnerable in ways that are consistent with relationship and with life. He cares deeply about the well-being of every person in every community. He is passionate about wholeness and peace. He also hardwired humanity with free will. With that will, people commit injustice and believers ignore it. To live faithfully in relationship with God requires facing the whole truth of our world, looking honestly at our part in it, and being true to our identity as sons and daughters of God in the midst of it. This discomforting God forces us to face reality and mobilizes us to do something about it.

Whether it's across the ocean or across town, it's never been about the number of people I can help relative to the size of the need. It's about relationship. With God. With one another. This one young girl in the middle of nowhere matters to him, and as we embrace, I feel she's starting to matter to me. We say our good-byes; she goes her way, and I go mine. Almost nine thousand miles is a long way to travel, but I think the distance between God and me is shrinking."

2 prickly kids in "overalls" showed up at my door this week. Where was God when they were orphanned? Where was God along the way to today? And today...where was He today? God is here and has been there all along the way. He's here today. He wants me right here with Him. He desires love, justice, and mercy. I think that is what is the hardest - I'm not particularly fond of my responses to my discomfort, anger, and offense in the midst of all this. These kids matter to Him, even though I'm ready to throw in the towel. No matter the outcome, maybe we'll see the distance between "God and me is shrinking"...it already is...

Offenses

And the Lord said, “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.”

But he said to Him, “Lord, I am ready to go with You, both to prison and to death.”

Then He said, “I tell you, Peter, the rooster shall not crow this day before you will deny three times that you know Me.” (Luke 24:31-34)

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This passage amazes me. I'm not sure why it escaped me before, but here is Jesus preparing for the cross and has one friend sell him off to the government for a few bucks, and another who was about to say he didn't even know him! All the while, Jesus remained calm and forgiving.

Father has been showing me as of late how I have room to improve in this area of relating to people who will let me down. Jesus addresses Peter here as "Simon" - I'm not sure if Jesus is indicating that Peter is about to operate in the flesh and not exactly the "rock" in which the name Peter means. Jesus always looked to his Father for everything - he didn't need people. I'm sure in that instance, I would have been angry with Peter, trying to figure out which other misfit had to be the start of this ministry I was trying to start. I would have to settle the recent "who is the greatest" argument by assuring them they're not as great as me and that they'll get this ready at some point, all the while being incredibly let down and angry with God because of where He had led me, possibly questioning if I had missed a step along the way and was out of His will.

So whatever happens in this life really pales in comparison to what Jesus walked through for us. The point being, though, is the same power in him now resonates in us!

Doctrine and Relationship: Part I

I'm enjoying a season of new found freedom in the love of the Father. The simple truth of the commands "Loving God" and "Loving my neighbor" has taken on new meaning, and in doing so, revelation has come - what is true relationship, and why do I keep trying to build something?

"Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain." (Psalm 127:1a)

So what does it mean to allow the Lord to build His house? I used to get really into this sort of thing - what does the last-day church look like? where does the 5-fold ministry fit into that? where are the signs and wonders? what is His plan for my life? All this analyzing, striving, and anxiety over what to do and how to get there. Why was I so focused on the form? It has been some time that I've come to the understanding of the form not being all that important. I used to lead the parade of banner wavers for home church, but that seemed to be just religion in the home...I was disillusioned...so what was I to do?

Now I'm understanding this a little better. I am to live in a life lived loved by my Father, and seize opportunities that He gives to love "my neighbor." What a concept! I've slowed down life enough to see His presence in engaging with people I wouldn't have chosen left to myself. Places I would never expect, either - Lowe's, the beach, the lake, in my cube at work, etc. And it took no force or manipulation, no need to drive the conversation one way or another...all this, and it didn't happen in a church building, during a meeting, or at a 'home group.' Could this be how He's building His church? Taking a group of nobodies with no agenda and allowing Him to arrange appointments, meetings, encounters, etc. for when and what we need? I always thought I needed to find a group of "likeminded people" so we could "fellowship" on things we agreed on...hmm...maybe I was struggling with a complex of wanting to be accepted...hmm...

The most freeing part of this journey for me now is this - Jesus said when you pray, pray like this, "give us this day our daily bread." I was always looking to the future, and today was only relevant in how it applied to how I was getting to my destination. The destination was basically how I was to build a ministry for Him. So with my attention focused so much on "my destiny and purpose", I was missing out on the today...the people He had right in front of me who He wanted to use to touch me, and He wanted me to sew into. This wasn't about me ministering down to people and gaining a following, as though I was an authority on something...that's not very humbling...He didn't want me to arrive at that place, and by His grace I don't think I'm there. But now I don't need to worry about the future. Jesus said today has enough worry of its own. If by His grace He reveals something down the road, my flesh wants to fill the gaps and arrive at the destination without Him...so now I find myself at rest, living out each day with Him. What a freedom!

More on this later...

"Divine Nobodies" and True Social Justice

The Lord has brought me through a season of 'unlearning' a bit from what I learned and reasoned throughout my walk "in the church". Seeing for my own life, I must return to simply "loving the Father" and "do the things Jesus did." Caring for the widow and the orphan, feeding the hungry, clothing the naked...these things are important to the Father.

I recently finished reading "Divine Nobodies" by Jim Palmer. As I was reading this book, a part really nailed me. I could try to blather on about his words, but I thought it would be best to just quote Jim's words...Jim is detailing a rescue mission in a South Asian country...young girls are kidnapped and then prostituted. He is posing as a customer so they can find where these brothels are to rescue these girls. Be warned, it covers a brutal topic, but its time we get our heads out of the sand!

"From Nashville, we covered 8,792 miles to get there, and soon after arriving I was plunged into an evil I hoped existed only in nightmares. I would have long since conveniently buried this experience beneath a mountain of rationalizations if I hadn't looked deep into the vacant eyes of a twelve-year-old sex slave and vowed never to forget. Her expression cannot be purged from memory, and sometimes my mind plays tricks by imposing her face on some little girl I see walking in the mall or playing in the park. Returning to my past world of ignorance would relieve my grief, but it's impossible to go back.

There are some details about my rude awakening in South Asia that I cannot tell you, including our specific locations. I traveled with a small band of highly trained professionals from International Justice Mission, which covertly deploys operatives around the globe to rescue victims of horrific human rights crimes, usually involving children. I saw Batman Begins, but I didn't realize there are actually people who risk their lives under cover of night, swooping in amid the horror to save innocent lives from the clutches of evil. These people are real heroes, and I met them in the dark alleys of one of the largest red-light districts in the world.

Until then, my most courageous endeavor was scooping up a half-dead mouse our cat dragged up on the back deck, terrifying Pam and Jessica [his wife and daughter]. A vaguely humorous scuffle ensued as things momentarily got ugly, but eventually the mission was accomplished. (Have you ever tried battling a mouse with a dustpan?) Not to say my Christian practices failed to embolden me. Hey, I can pass out church coffee mugs to strangers and do door-to-door neighborhood 'surveys' with the best of them. I wasn't quite prepared, however, for these IJM guys answering the WWJD [what would Jesus do] question by endangering their lives to free people most of the world wouldn't miss (in a nice kind of way, of course).

My job was to tag along, do exactly as I was told, and witness this heartbreaking tragedy with my own eyes. Arriving on an oppresively humid night, I taxied down into the red-light district with a guy I'll call Ron. I was briefed on the drive that we would work undercover, posing as customers looking for action to identify brothels forcing young girls into prostitution. Peeing in my pants became a distinct possibility, and that little form I'd signed about 'going at my own risk' began taking on meaning I'd never imagined. I am a terrible liar and actor; how was I supposed to play a pervert looking to have sex with little girls?

Less than two minutes after our feet hit the pavement, a pimp approached and offered a tour of the prime spots in exchange for ten bucks. (Westerners get first-rate treatment because exchange rates exponentially increase their spending potential.) Ron did all the talking, plunging us into a sea of nightlife. An abrupt turn down a grungy narrow alley finally brought us to what looked like an abandoned old building. We entered by climbing a steep stairway that dumped us out on a small landing outside a door that lacked an external knob. After a distinctive knock, the door opened into a dimly lit and glitzy lounge complete with plush 1970s-style carpeting on the floor and walls. Escorted to a comfy wraparound sofa, we sat next to real 'customers' (mostly Americans), who could have easily passed for my dentist or the guy who coaches my daughter's soccer team. No one spoke. We just sat there staring at this elevated makeshift catwalk directly in front of us. Anger began seething within me, and I felt I could actually kill somebody without regret. After what seemed an eternity, the lights went off and the catwalk brightened. Soft music began playing as the back door swung open, and a line of scantily dressed little girls made up with mascara and high heels wobbled out to present themselves. I was reeling inside.

Images often associated with 'escort services' and 'men's clubs' where glamorous sexy goddesses summon John Doe to a night of orgasmic bliss are far from the aberration that was playing out just two feet in front of me. These ten- to fifteen-year-old-girls looked pathetic and terrified as they were chided by the brothel owner to look energetic and maintain eye contact with customers who were making their rape selection. The younger they were, the more you paid. The littlest girls didn't come out. You had to specifically ask for them and show you had that kind of cash. Suddenly I was meeting the gaze of one little girl in a long black wig. Quickly glancing away, I noticed she continued staring right at me--or was it right through me? I wished for a cape and one of those superhero rescue gizmos to snatch her out of harm's way.

Those obscure headlines at the bottom of page D14 were now part of my world. Not wanting to remember or have anything to do with it doesn't work. The reality just won't go away or wash off. I've tried rationalizing, telling myself there are too many for me to make a difference, and it's those people and their governments who are to blame, and only they can fix it. I can't be responsible for people on the other side of the world and wouldn't know what to do in the first place. Besides, I have problems to address where I live (but I really don't). Certainly God's justice will eventually straighten all this out and everyone will get their just deserts. I tried all that mumbo jumbo and more.

But there I was, face-to-face with this horrified little girl staring at me, her shoulders so slight they couldn't keep the straps of her lingerie up. Despite all my sensible reasoning, it didn't add up to a very good answer to the WWJD question. Something from the well of my being cried out, 'Do something!' It would be worth the effort, the reward far exceeding the cost. IJM had supplied the opportunity for me to be part of meeting the most obvious need of girls like this, the need to be set free. Posing as customers, we acted unimpressed with each lineup of girls shown us in order to be taken to several spots. This enabled us to document the particular brothels using minors, information that would later be used to organize a brothel raid and rescue operation. IJM was banking on my greatest contribution being made once I returned back home by raising awareness of the horrific plight of children forced into prostitution.

During the cab ride back, Ron detailed the terrifying trap that captured these girls. Lured to the city by the promise of earning money as domestic household servants, they are taken captive, transported by night to a brothel, and sold to the highest bidder. Locked in a room the size of a closet, they are told they will be providing sex to customers on demand. When the first customer comes, the child resists and fights back. The brother owner beats her into submission with iron rods and electrical cords. She finally consents and begins providing sex six days a week, with up to ten customers daily. She is rationed one meal a day and not allowed to leave the brothel. When touring their 'bedrooms' (four to six girls crammed together per dingy room) I almost lost it emotionally upon discovering that the same little girls forced to give sex still sleep with stuffed teddy bears and rabbits.

My worldview was turned upside down in the length of time it took to walk past the line of little girls waiting outside a clinic to receive treatment for AIDS and every sexually transmitted disease imaginable. I couldn't get back on the plane to Nashville quick enough.

I've done my share of globe-hopping, traveling to parts of the world most wouldn't be too interested to vacation in. One has a lot of time to kill on those long international flights, especially if you're like me and can't sleep well on planes. Flying home from South Asia, my books were stuffed in the bottom of my duffel bag, lost somewhere in the abyss of the overhead compartment. I decided I didn't want to risk waking up the kid next to me, who had finally stopped crying and gone to sleep. I had read every newspaper, was not interested in purchasing a thingamabob from the Sky Mall magazine, and had already seen Father of the Bride twice. So I sat and I thought...

Have you ever stopped to wonder, Where was God today? Yes, I know God is 'omnipresent,' but I mean specifically, where was God today? Where did he go? What did he see? How did he feel? I began imagining God present at that miraculous moment a precious life was born into the world, the joy and marvel of the newborn bearing God's image and uniquely fashioned by his hands. Taking in the beauty of a brilliant blazing sun slowly descending behind endless ocean waves, I have felt the company of the Creator amid the splendor of his handiwork. Jogging a woodland trail one autumn morning I passed an aged couple leisurely strolling in conversation hand in hand. God must have been there smiling as these soul mates shared a ripe and tender love, a gift from God, who is himself named Love. These simple but magnificent miracles inspire love and adoration for God deep within and draw me to him.

Somewhere over the Atlantic, forty thousand feet about the earth, these nice thoughts about God gave way to disturbing images I wish I could forget from my trip. Now the question, where was God today? tortured me. Today a ten-year-old girl is being strapped down tight to a bed and brutally and repeatedly raped. God is present. Today an eight-year-old emaciated boy is covered with a cardboard box and left to die. Slowly he slips into unconsciousness. God is present. Today a young mom of three wails in bed as her skeletal body writhes with the unrelenting agony of AIDS. God is present. Still, I grew angry. Why was God pushing these horrors in my face? I was emotionally spent and wanted to go home to myworld. God could have that world; that was his deal; he's God; I didn't live in that world.

Or did I?

Sitting in 13D, I uncovered something unsettling about myself. I don't really want a 'relationship' with God. Here's what I want. I want to share with God all I feel, all I need, all that grieves me, all that makes me happy, the puzzling things, the fun things, and the hard things, but I would prefer that God keep his stuff to himself. I don't want to hear about his pain and share in his grief. I don't mind listening to God as long as I'm receiving solutions, answers, and advice. Maybe what I really want is a divine vending machine: pop in my prayer, press the button for my need, and I'm good to go. A professional live-in massage therapist and a Starbucks within walking distance would be nice too.

Any relationship involves two people, you and the other. It seems that in a 'relationship' with God, we would desire to listen to the Other to learn what the Other is really like. But how is this possible without going through the adventure of each day with the Other? Can we personally and intimately know someone without sharing experiences, and doing things together--little things as well as big things, and taking the risks of love together? Wouldn't we want to learn how to love those whom the Other loves, to see them through his eyes? We would want to rest and celebrate together, to share beautiful things, to laugh together. But wouldn't we also want to enter into the pain and grief the Other feels when pain, injustice, and cruelty are inflicted upon those he loves? In every abusive home where a child cries in fear and pain, and in every city street where a homeless person shivers under newspapers on the pavement, the living Christ is there. Whether it's across town or on the other side of the globe, suffering people surround us. Maybe 'carrying Jesus' cross' is our free choice to become compassionately involved with him in the pain of others and be partners with God in bringing healing and transformation.

Just a small glimpse into God's world was enough for me. It's staggering to consider the intensity of anger and anguish I felt witnessing just a few injustices compared to what God must feel being personally and fully present to countless such heinous horrors 24/7. You'd have to be comatose not to feel God's hurt and anger ooze from the pages of Scripture over the oppression of the weak and vulnerable. Even after all my sophisticated exegesis of the Old Testament prophets and words of Jesus, I can't seem to get away from the fact that the main message of God to his people about injustice is to get off our rear ends and do something! This goes way deeper than feeling guilty about doing more; I'm trying to figure our how I got to the place where the things that break the heart of God are so marginal to mine.

I'm starting to wonder if I can even have a 'relationship' with God this way, and I'm left with the question of how much I really want to know God. There's no having it both ways. Whether I like it or not, the God who dances over the breathtaking sunrise weeps over each victim of brutality.

Any relationship runs the risk of drifting apart over time. Take boy meets girl. In the hunting phase (or 'dating' phase), guys become mysteriously and happily engaged in virtually everything the woman has interest in, including endless browsing at Pier 1 and watching Brad Pitt movies. We become brainwashed in love. College football, working out, and playing golf are easily sacrificed on the altar of love. They get married, and five years later, she's at the mall with a friend, and he's at home TiVo-ing the big game and watching Terminator 5 while running on the treadmill. They have grown apart due to their separate interests. When I started off with Jesus, I wanted to know everything about him. I would have gone anywhere and done anything at any cost. As the years rolled on, somehow I became less interested in him and more interested in me. More specifically, what he could do for me. Rather than a relationship, my Christianity morphed into some sort of divine self-help philosophy, problem-solving plan, and life-improvement strategy.

The day before leaving we traveled far outside the city where I met a sixteen-year-old girl named Varsha. After four years of being locked away and languishing in a brothel, one night a first-time paying customer behind closed doors strangely wanted something other than sex. Instead, this IJM operative asked the frightened little girl to trust him. She provided enough information for him to begin organizing a brothel raid. Several months later, under the cover of darkness, a twenty-four-passenger van slowly crept down the alley behind her brothel. Without warning, a surge of armed men kicked open the front door and seized the house in a fracas of commotion. The back door was swiftly secured, and Varsha and a line of other girls were rushed out amid gunfire into the waiting van. While the van squealed off into the night, the brothel owner and customers were subdued, cuffed, and hauled away. Mission accomplished.

These IJM guys have a slightly different picture of Jesus than most of us do, convinced that if he were bodily present, his boot would have been the first kicking in the door. Most churches try to soften up and tame these kinds; you know, make them more compassionate and caring. Maybe the kingdom of God needs a few more who are willing to kick some tail and take names if necessary. Sure, we need to pray for victims of injustice, but has anyone thought of, well, like, rescuing them? My afterlife view of justice is real convenient since neither I not my daughter is the one being beaten senseless with electrical cords.

I had a few moments alone with Varsha on a bench in the outdoor courtyard of the recovery ranch where she now lives. We sat and talked. I learned that being saved from the brothel was just the first step on her long and difficult road to freedom. It was going to take a lifetime to recover from the physical, emotional, and spiritual damage she had experienced. She knows one thing: this Jesus must be worth knowing if his followers risk their lives to rescue nobodies like her. Reaching into a brown paper bag, she bashfully pulled out a braided leather necklace and presented it to me. She made it herself. Part of the healing process had been her discovering a talent for making jewelry and dresses, which she sold at the market.

It was time for her to go; she had an appointment at the AIDS clinic in the city and an afternoon counseling session. I felt awkward and didn't know what to say. Wanting to hug her, I had become timid myself. Time was ticking, and so I clumsily asked, 'Do you mind if I give you a hug good-bye?' As we embraced, I closed my eyes. This was a holy moment. In my arms was a precious and priceless daughter of God. One million new girls every year around the world are forced into child prositution. Can someone like me or you really make any difference in such a massive sea of hurting people? It may not seem like much, but in moments like this, the ability to impact one life means a lot. God knows this one by name, and now she is free.

Sometimes what happens in our world is absolute evil, unimaginable chaos, and a stunning reversal of God's intent for creation. When my heart is broken open by suffering, especially suffering caused by human selfishness and cruelty, I meet a more complex God than I would prefer. Sometimes he is an uncomforting God who does not provide easy, consoling answers to my pleading question, Why? At other times he is a discomforting God, and his grief is simultaneously a cry for justice that enters creation like a mighty storm, rousing God's people from their sleep. While we wait in the darkness and ask God, 'Why did you let this happen?' God hurls the question back to us: "Wake up, people, to what is happening. Why do you let this happen in the world I gave you?'

Whenever people are victims of injustice, God desires intervention. Some people in our world suffer from lack of food, water, shelter, or medical care. I'm beginning to see there's a whole other category of suffering in the world, namely, oppression. It's a crime of opportunity when powerful people exploit the weak and vulnerable by taking what they have or forcing them to do what they otherwise wouldn't. This grieves and angers God, and we reflect his image in us when we refuse to tolerate it. This God is both powerful and vulnerable in ways that are consistent with relationship and with life. He cares deeply about the well-being of every person in every community. He is passionate about wholeness and peace. He also hardwired humanity with free will. With that will, people commit injustice and believers ignore it. To live faithfully in relationship with God requires facing the whole truth of our world, looking honestly at our part in it, and being true to our identity as sons and daughters of God in the midst of it. This discomforting God forces us to face reality and mobilizes us to do something about it.

Whether it's across the ocean or across town, it's never been about the number of people I can help relative to the size of the need. It's about relationship. With God. With one another. This one young girl in the middle of nowhere matters to him, and as we embrace, I feel she's starting to matter to me. We say our good-byes; she goes her way, and I go mine. Almost nine thousand miles is a long way to travel, but I think the distance between God and me is shrinking."

So I'm torn in two. My flesh rises up as I look around the church and think, "Do we really want to know the Father, or do we want the vending machine god and feel good about ourselves." That is nothing more than idol worship. I'm tired of hearing this same old stuff, but nothing changes. Relationship is a 2-way street. Do we want to know what grieves the heart of God? How can we continue living a life of ignorance or worse, calousness? There are 145-160 Million orphans in the world. Do we care? 30,000 children will die today of starvation and preventable diseases. Do we care? Our clothes are made in sweat shops overseas by young children. Do we care? We eat chocolate and coffee at the expense of slave labor. Do we care? And at what expense? For our luxuries? The Lord is unraveling me. This is on our watch...I don't seem to have the same grace as Jim here. I know my words seem harsh and judgemental...maybe they are...maybe they need to be...or maybe I'm just letting my flesh and self-righteousness ooze all over the screen...so I'll stop...

So with my eyes back on me, the Father has been peeling away layers of stupidity in my life and walk...I seemed to have muddied the waters along the way and He's taking me back to being a simpleton....showing me what is of Him, what was sort of Him that I judged and tossed out or took pride in and wore as a merit badge, and stuff that isn't of Him at all that I claim to be...to be honest, I feel like I'm unlearning at least some of my charismatic/prophetic "theology". We speak of a "Coming Kingdom", and I used to believe God was going to do "a new thing" or "the next big wave." I think I wasted a good bit of time "interceding" for this next big thing. The Kingdom has been here and He's been trying to reveal it in the earth with nobodies willing to humble themselves...it's already here, within us, we jut need to yield...and maybe, just maybe I'm starting to get it....maybe.

Healthy Expectations

The Lord seems to be building on several themes throughout these Friday night watches, and what the Spirit is speaking throughout the week. This week the Lord bringing some things together.

"Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, to all who were carried away captive, whom I have caused to be carried away from Jerusalem to Babylon: Build houses and dwell in them; plant gardens and eat their fruit. Take wives and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, so that they may bear sons and daughters—that you may be increased there, and not diminished. And seek the peace of the city where I have caused you to be carried away captive, and pray to the LORD for it; for in its peace you will have peace." (Jeremiah 29:4-7)

For many, it feels as though they live in Babylon, carried away in captivity. To look at political climates, condition of the church, school systems, government, etc., can be pretty bleak. We must be praying for our cities. A harvest is being made ready. If we pray for the peace of our cities, we will reap what we sew.

Likewise, Hebrews 11 makes Abraham an example of one who "desires a better, that is, a heavenly country." His perspective was from a heavenly mindset - focused on "the city which has foundations, whose builder and maker is God." That's where we need to be.

"You should know in your heart that as a man chastens his son, so the LORD your God chastens you. When you have eaten and are full, then you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land which He has given you." Deuteronomy 8:5,10

This part still remains a bit elusive for me. How in our western culture, enjoying the blessings from God and "have eaten and are full", how do we still operate in faith? Seems like a delicate balance.

Now for the meat. Over the last few weeks, the Lord has impressed heavily the word in Revelation 3 which says "strengthen that which remains" and to be "watchful." I believe the Lord is testing those in the body to bring us to the end of ourselves with expectation, and to see how heavily we will rely on Him.

I know personally, and in talking with a few close friends, the Lord seems to be squashing our expectations. Every time I seem to have a bit of hope for something or someone, those expectations are being smashed. I believe this is of the Lord - it is a testing to see if in spite of circumstances, of things unfolding completely different than we expect, or things we've hoped for fall apart, will we continue to trust in Him. This is the test. To those who overcome, they are promoted.

Looking at
Judges 7, we see the account of Gideon trimming down the army. It is interesting to me that the first thing he does to trim the army is to remove those with fear. I've heard it said "Fear is faith for things you don't want." So true. If our faith is greater for the things we fear, then that's a hinderance. We must operate in faith as an overcomer. The next thing is how those who drink. For those who drank in a position of watchfulness, they were kept.

To those who totally lean on Him in faith, they will be fit for service in the army outlined in Joel 2. I truly believe that is what the Lord is preparing in these days. God is showing us the cost of being a true disciple. Will we stand in the gap for our cities? Will we fix our eyes on Jesus? Will we embrace chastening? We must weigh our options. We are being given a choice right now - will we enlist for service?

Sojourners of Faith

I felt the Lord taking me through Hebrews 10-12 to highlight some important things in our walk with Him. The Lord is calling use to a higher place of faith and trust in Him.

"But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him." (Hebrews 11:6)

Without faith, it is impossible to please God! In our western culture, faith is stifled by our persuit of the "American Dream" of 'independence' and 'freedom.' Actually, what our 'freedom' really is, is the freedom to persue control over our own lives and choices - to exist in a controlled environment - safe job, nice home, good food, modern conveniences, reliable transportation, etc., leaving very little need for faith. Faith can be very inconvenient with all that waiting...

"and joyfully accepted the plundering of your goods, knowing that you have a better and an enduring possession for yourselves in heaven.
Now the just shall live by faith;
But if anyone draws back,
My soul has no pleasure in him.
But we are not of those who draw back to perdition, but of those who believe to the saving of the soul." (Hebrews 10:34b, 38-39)

By faith, we are to advance the Kingdom. Jesus said to gain life, we must lose ours first. To those who "joyfully accepted the plundering of [their] goods," they didn't have one foot in the world and one foot in the Kingdom - they were sold out! Where are we truly putting our hope and faith? The Lord continually shows me where my heart is...and I most definitely have not arrived. Just this week, I had a chunk of money I thought was coming in that was taken away. "But that's not just!" The Lord quickly showed me the offense in my heart, the lack of joy, and revealed where my trust was...it can't be in this job, that client, this check, etc. - but in the Lord!

Verses 9, 13, 16, and 38 describe the "all-stars of faith" as those who were sojourners, strangers, foreigners and aliens in the land. Our faith will make us look weird - at least it should. Faith is the "evidence of things not seen" (v1), so to the natural man it will seem peculiar.

"They wandered in deserts and mountains, in dens and caves of the earth." (Hebrews 11:38)

Wanderers...doesn't sound like fun. Nor does it sound "inclusive" or "culturally relevant." We need to break the lie of "looking like world" and start looking like we're 'not of this world'.

"By faith Moses, when he became of age, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt; for he looked to the reward. By faith he forsook Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king; for he endured as seeing Him who is invisible. By faith he kept the Passover and the sprinkling of blood, lest he who destroyed the firstborn should touch them." (Hebrews 11:24-28)

Entitlement is a killer in our western culture, and in the church. Moses chose to suffer affliction - forsaking the riches of this world, opting for greater riches in Christ. He was entitled to a 'better life' - but he chose Christ. He feared the invisible more than the visible. We must do the same.

"And all these, having obtained a good testimony through faith, did not receive the promise" (Hebrews 11:39)

They "did not receive the promise." We must become eternally minded - we will not receive all that is promised to us in this life - if Heaven is our home, this life is but a vapor, passing away quickly. We may sew what others will reap - we're not entitled - it's His works and not our own!

"For he (Abraham) waited for the city which has foundations, whose builder and maker is God. But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them." (Hebrews 11:10,16)

Heaven was home. God was not ashamed to be called "God" by Abraham. Does the same hold true for us? Wow...this was quite hard for me to swallow. I want to be counted as one who "God is not ashamed to be called their God." Building on the previous post, I feel like the Lord is saying strengthen that which remains, that which is worth remaining - and that which is dying and not worth living - let it die. I think much of our "affliction" is kicking against the goads...

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." (Hebews 12:1-2,7)

It is time to have greater focus. The day of His return is closer than ever! Endurance builds peaceable fruit!

The Coming Kingdom

God is raising up an army. There is a shift begining within the body of those who are wanting more from Church, life, family, and God. Jesus said to pray "on earth as it is in heaven" - establish the Kingdom! Peter said a shaking would come, first to the household of faith. I believe we are seeing that today. As a result, a people will be and are being prepared to bring in the Kingdom of God on earth. The coming kingdom is actually already at hand, but we aren't walking out in it:

"Now when He was asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, He answered them and said, “The kingdom of God does not come with observation; nor will they say, ‘See here!’ or ‘See there!’ For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you.”
Then He said to the disciples, “The days will come when you will desire to see one of the days of the Son of Man, and you will not see it. And they will say to you, ‘Look here!’ or ‘Look there!’ Do not go after them or follow them. For as the lightning that flashes out of one part under heaven shines to the other part under heaven, so also the Son of Man will be in His day. But first He must suffer many things and be rejected by this generation. And as it was in the days of Noah, so it will be also in the days of the Son of Man: They ate, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, and the flood came and destroyed them all. Likewise as it was also in the days of Lot: They ate, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they built; but on the day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven and destroyed them all. Even so will it be in the day when the Son of Man is revealed.

Some things to point out here - Are we not living in the days of Noah? It seems as though we live in a lost and dying world with no regard to God. People are eating and drinking and being marry - even within the church! It is time to press in to the things of God - to gather around Jesus, not just talk about Him. Church should be a way of life, not an event. It is something we are to participate in, not just spectate on Sunday mornings. And as we move into these things, Jesus says above, "Do not go running after them!" We could debate what He is referring to here, but besides the occult, I think there is another meaning here. The kingdom of God is within us. When we hear of good reports in far off places - praise God! But it doesn't mean we need to hop on a plane or drive off to see the Lord. Obviously if He tells us to, we must go, but the King of kings lives within us. If we yield to Him and are willing to be purified and sanctified by Jesus, and to allow Him to work through us, the Kingdom will manifest. Jesus said He came to "give us the fullness of life." Normal Christianity should be the blind see, the deaf here, the lame walk and the sick are made well.

A friend and brother in the Lord said to me, "It is all about gathering around Jesus. I just want to gather around Jesus." I've been pondering that point for some time now - I want to talk less about the things of the Lord, and start seeing it manifest in myself, my family, and my community!