Finding Community

If you find yourself enamored with the idea of starting community, you'll inevitably control it and stifle it.  But if you merely love the people God puts in front of you, soon enough you'll find yourself in the midst of community without even trying.  Let Him take are of community - He knows we need it and it will happen.  If we lose yourselves, it is there that we find Him and we are cared for.

You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought. You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat. You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for. You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world. You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family. -Matt 5 MSG

Evangelism

I have given some thought to evangelism as of late.  I have listened to discussions on the hour in which we live, who to share with, and how to share.  How would I "share" Jesus?

I thought of an allegory of sorts.  If Jenn, my wife, was always talking about her groom, and someone wanted to meet me, it could look like any of these scenes.  These are some takes on how I would have described Him in the past...

"You've come to meet my groom-to-be?  He is so wonderful.  He is kind and compassionate, always listening.  He is so wonderful.  Let me

  A.) take you upstairs to his room.  I'd love to show you his room.

  B.)  take you into the kitchen.  I can show you our calendar and how many activities we do together.

  C.)  take you upstairs .  I have all his love letters to me bound together in a book.

  D.) show you my jewelry box.  He has given me so much jewelry.  Then I can show you all of the gifts He's bought me over the years.

  E.) show you all the things he's done around here.  He's so good at doing my honey-do list!

  F.) get you to help me with all this stuff I need to get done for him.  I know if I don't do all this stuff and stay busy, he's going to get mad.  But he's so wonderful.

   G.) go get him and introduce you to him.  We can sit back and take a rest, all of us together.  He has blessed me in so many ways!

I think if I was at the door, and the response was A-F, my initial response would be, "Did he die?  Has he left on vacation?  Why can't I meet him?"  Maybe that's where the world is with His bride.  Kind of reminds me of Elijah, mocking the folks worshiping their idols and waiting for their false gods to deliver them.  Or, is it what Jesus said?  Have we waited too long, so we've started beating each other up (Lk12:45)?  I think we have emotionally and spiritually in our hurts, angst, and disappointments...

I can remember in the early part of my walk, if someone asked about my journey, I'd tell them where I went to church, tell them about a pastor or teacher, or all the things we did at the church.  But as I moved into the discipline of prayer, I made my list of what I wanted or what other people wanted and took it to God.  Many times that led to disappointment when my list didn't get done just as I wanted.  Then we moved into charismatic flavors of the church, and it was all about the gifts.  You have to move in the gifts.  And you better be busy pressing in, praying for stuff in a certain way for a certain length of time, or else He'll get mad and smite our state, town, country, etc.  And if it is really important, starve yourself - He'll change His mind if He sees His bride starving herself!  Then, let's make the form different - as if religion at home in a home church is any different than any other religious institution.  Wayne Jacobsen likes to say, "At least the Pope is in Rome." 

Let's call sin for what it is - It is doing anything apart from Him.

I have been there myself [heartache for the lost], I know their deal and devotion; their problem is not their passion, but their ignorance.  They are tirelessly busy with their own efforts to justify themselves while blatantly ignoring the fact that God already justified them in Christ.  -Romans 10:2-3 Mirror

The message puts it this way:

I readily admit that the Jews are impressively energetic regarding God—but they are doing everything exactly backward. They don’t seem to realize that this comprehensive setting-things-right that is salvation is God’s business, and a most flourishing business it is. Right across the street they set up their own salvation shops and noisily hawk their wares. After all these years of refusing to really deal with God on his terms, insisting instead on making their own deals, they have nothing to show for it.

Sound familiar?  Paul could write that today.  God's terms, be still and know Him.  Rest.  Enter into His rest.  It still means works - fruit - but through faith.  It's effortless.  If it is works without faith or *for* Him, without entering His rest, it's exhausting.  Rest apart from Him is merely laziness and life in the lust of the flesh...and that's not rest!

The culmination of this journey is summed up in a Person.  Not in the word.  Not in the law.  Not in experiences.  Not in gifts.  Not even in blessings.  I'm thankful for all those things as a bonus to the Person of Jesus, and the relationship with Him.  Unfortunately I still stay too busy to see Him in everyday unfolding of life.  Today has enough worry of it's own.  See what unfolds as He puts things and people on our hearts.  Live loved!

Overestimating Myself

"The greatest barrier to living-loved is the overestimation of our own capability." -Wayne Jacobsen

I heard that on one of his podcasts several weeks ago.  The words echoed in my soul.  One of those times a man is saying something, but you know it is a living God really speaking through someone to you.  "Is this my problem,"  I wondered.  Is this why I live in a state of joylessness and constantly stressed out?  Within that same podcast, he quoted this scripture:

 What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don’t be afraid of missing out. You’re my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself. -Luke 12:29-32 MSG

Relaxed?  Me??  Ha!  Afraid of missing out? 

On the way to church one Sunday morning, I could hear that still, small voice whisper, "If I asked you to walk away from your house, would you?"  I thought for a moment, then replied, "That would seem unwise, plus that's a lot of money to leave on the table."  Then He asked, "If I asked you to do something totally different in your career, would you do it?"  He reminded me when we first moved, I had this itch to open a Rita's or a Subway up our way.  New town, no real experience in the restaurant industry - but I was ready to jump.  Man, was that naive and dumb...or was it?  I don't know...within 2 years, 3 Rita's opened up.  They're still around 7 years later.  Have I lost my child-like faith?  Or youthful zeal?  Or am I wiser and better at 'planning a tower' (Luke 14:28)?  I continued pondering, "No way I'd leave my career - I'm really good at this software engineering stuff.  I know what I'm doing - I'm good at it.  If you asked me to farm, I know some stuff about that, so maybe.  But anything else...I don't think so."  Hmm, where am I putting my trust - Him or me?  I started out good.  I truly believe my talents and abilities are God-given, and God watered them along the way to make them flourish.  But somewhere along the way, I took what He gave and ran with it.  Now my trust is in my own capability and not in Him.

There is comfort in sticking with what is safe and familiar.  And for a guy who always wants the 32,000 foot view, there is safety in that, too.  There is also the aspect of knowing the cost.  But in the end, what I'm finding is He doesn't seem too particularly interested in our comfort.  He's more in it for our hearts.  He's after our hearts.  He loves us.  I feel like the season ahead will bring great change if we fully trust and rest in Him.  My wife said this is the season to dream.  That's downright scary!

Lessons From the Trenches: Nothing is Wasted in Him

In the midst of the trials of adoptive parenting, God has been revealing little nuggets of truth along the way.  I write mostly for my own benefit, but if someone else can glean something from my babble, then by all means read.  Here is the first of what I hope to be a number of installments about what I've learned in the beginning stages of this journey.


Exodus 32 says that the Israelites came before Aaron and said, "Come, make us gods that shall go before us."  They didn't know what "came of Moses," so instead of waiting, they decided it would be best to make their own god.  The story goes on as they melted their gold and fashioned a golden calf to worship.  Interesting to note here - there desire was for a god to go before them, but they were tired of waiting on Moses, whom was talking to the one true God.  The story continues with Moses returning and God quite angry with what has come of His people.  Moses returns, asks who is on the Lord's side, and says, "Thus says the Lord God of Israel: ‘Let every man put his sword on his side, and go in and out from entrance to entrance throughout the camp, and let every man kill his brother, every man his companion, and every man his neighbor.’”  So the sons of Levi did according to the word of Moses. And about three thousand men of the people fell that day.  Then Moses said, “Consecrate yourselves today to the Lord, that He may bestow on you a blessing this day, for every man has opposed his son and his brother.”


Fast forward several thousand years.  Acts 2 it says three thousand were added to their number on that day of Pentecost.  They waited around after Jesus had left.  They persevered in waiting.  Jesus had promised a helper to go before them (and us) - the Holy Spirit.  Another thing that caught my eye in this passage in Exodus - Moses' instructions were to "go in and out from entrance to entrance throughout the camp" and to kill his 'brother.'  The 'going' throughout the camp, that's what it takes to bind the strong man.  Jesus mentioned cleaning the house.  We must clean the house first - so many falsified structures built on lies in these children.  So many false beliefs.  Jesus said something about following him at the expense of natural family members.  Full devotion.  All in.  This is a FULL-TIME job, requiring full devotion and no care to who is looking at you and what they think.


What does all this mean?  Not exactly sure.  The Israelites had an honest hearts desire - a desire for a god to go before them.  They just went ahead of God in striving in their flesh to make this god.  It isn't too far off from their desire for a king.  Jesus was the coming King.  The Israelites wanted a king, but they couldn't wait so they got Saul.  Maybe 3,000 perished in Exodus 32, but not in vain.  But maybe it was just merely punishment and God redeemed it thousands of years later.  I'm certainly not diminishing God's holiness or any such notion condoning the behavior of Aaron and the people making an idol.  But I am pondering this same notion of His ways are certainly not our ways.  Sometimes things happen that are much bigger than our lifetime.  It is hard to get that perspective of eternity, especially while in the trenches.  But also, too, what if we didn't look at the Israelites as a group of morons making their own god out of metal, but acting on a misguided hearts desire for something that was indeed Godly?  Maybe their heart desired the right thing, but in execution it failed miserably?  Or maybe they had a desire in their heart, but had expectation of their own desired outcome and missed out.  They just didn't wait and endure.  Reminds me of a blog entry a few years ago I posted about Peter -  Peter fell asleep 3 times while failing to wait and keep watch, later denying Christ 3 times.  Could that be applied to us?  Maybe in our parenting?  Maybe our children deserve more grace - their defiance may in fact be in a hearts desire to do something good....but just comes out really, really wrong.  Maybe things that we've instituted as discipline that makes them seemingly miserable is just days away from a breakthrough, if we're willing to patiently wait.  Discipline is an expression of love...we know that all too well these days...

My wife read me something this morning that equated parenting to putting a jigsaw puzzle together.  But with these children, the puzzle doesn't come with the border pieces, somehow about 15 pieces from another puzzle was thrown in, and we lost 10 of the original pieces.  And as you try to piece things together, you realize the box was left out in the rain and the picture is unrecognizable.  In the midst of the battle, it is hard to see the destination when you can't see a picture of what redemption looks like.  I guess that's what faith is all about.  That's where the Israelites failed.  That's one of the most trying parts of this adoptive parenting stuff - where are we going?  What does the destiny of redemption even look like?

How many times have I had a true desire for something, only to sabotage the initiative by not waiting?  Or maybe as it relates to our situation, I can't dictate the outcome, but God may be using this to do a work in me.  No matter the outcome - good or bad - what is He doing in me?  I don't want to miss out, being too overly focused on the outcome I'm not getting and how uncomfortable and fruitless this process seems to be.  Thankfully, God is in the business of redemption!

Reflections on the last 365 days...

June 30, 2011 marked the beginning of an incredibly wild and crazy year.  I learned a lot about myself, this world, my friends, this world's issues, my identity in Him, who I am as a father, who He is as a Father, pain, disappointment, pain, frustration, and more pain.

June 30, 2011 was the day that we brought home a wonderful girl from Latvia for 5 weeks.  For 5 weeks we welcomed her into our home, and she became a part of us.  We learned what it meant to live each day to the fullest - we didn't know what would happen at the end of 5 weeks.  We enjoyed the time we had together.

August 4th she went home.  The most agonizing pain I had felt in a long time...maybe ever.  I sent my daughter home on a plane across the pond.  Or was she my daughter?  Watching each of my children agonize over the loss of their sister was gut wrenching.

The next few weeks entailed whatever leg work I could do to set something into motion to make us a "forever-family."  I was told I was crazy for having too many children, and "what is wrong with you?"  And this was by supposed Christian organizations...but we've been down this road before.  After exhausting all avenues and coming to a deadend on multiple fronts, a process that took months with roadblock after roadblock, it looked like we'd wait for hosting in the Winter.

October 31st, we left under falling snow in Maryland to head for Ethiopia.  Our trip was filled with excitement and awe - international travel coupled with the joy of meeting our new son.  The highlight of the trip was definitely meeting our new son, but seeing Ethiopia,  the countryside, our sponsored children, and the people we met along the way was invaluable.  My friend Fikre, whom I met there on that trip, I yearn to return and just spend time with him.  I could listen to the stories of his travels and his work with the children all day long.  I made a friend for life.

Another interesting thing to note in that time period - as my wife's great grandmother passed away, she had a caretaker whom we met during her last days.  She was from Ethiopia.  The shortened story - she coordinated us getting together with her brother and his family while in our stay in Ethiopia.  Him and his family are so special - they made a feast, helped us around town with shopping, took us to lunch, showed such great hospitality - special people!  God was in the midst, taking care of us.


As soon as our trip came to a close, we were confronted with the harsh reality of Winter Hosting fast approaching, and no money for hosting or our return trip months later to Ethiopia.  I remember being in Ethiopia with my wife, discussing this issue, and concluding, "God, you're going to have to make money fall out of the sky or something, because we just don't have it!"  Within a week of our return, people from all different travels of our journey came forward and fulfilled the remainder of the hosting!  God was in the midst, taking care of us once again.


This winter hosting would be different.  We were uncertain of our travel to Ethiopia - we thought we might have to travel during hosting!  But then with drama unfolding with the U.S. Embassy, it was uncertain as to whether we'd get our son's visa and when.  Falsified testimonies, funny dates, pressure of witnesses, no-shows of witnesses was adding to the drama surrounding many people's cases in Ethiopia.  We seemed to be no different.  With all that swirling around, we were informed that no progress would be made in adoption in Latvia unless we hosted the older sister, too.  Hey, what's another child in the mix, right?  We'd welcome the sister, too!


Through that month of December, we reached our capacity.  Or so we thought.  Without getting into airing dirty laundry, it was an incredibly trying month where we saw not only what was unfolding in our home, but what was in our hearts regarding our situation.  The pressure of events in Ethiopia, coupled with one and sometimes two children not wanting to be with us made things very difficult.  We made the best of it, although it was obvious to us that not all members of the party wanted to be here.  We endured.  We loved as best we could.  We saw our own flaws and shortcomings.  We also saw the death of what was in the Summer, and grieved the loss of what we thought would be our future...

Here is a post from that time period - Me and God.


By Mid-January, they returned home.  I put together some things for folks in authority to influence the situation.  It was in a sense our last "fight".  I can't expound on much, but more heart-wrenching decisions and work involved to fight for a hoped-for daughter.  More waiting...

Our focus returned to Ethiopia in another fight to bring our son home.  Our case was forwarded to Kenya for further review.  The details of our case were deemed to be not exhaustive enough.  We hired an attorney.  More money...more money we didn't have.  More waiting...

We headed to Ethiopia at the end of February.  We reunited with Fikre, visited our sponsored children, met new folks along the way, and picked up our son.  And from that day, our lives have not been the same since!

Roughly four months have passed.  In that time, we were told "No" by our host child from Latvia.  Maybe that's part of a "plan" because we couldn't handle more?  Maybe we just live in a fallen world and bad things happen...I don't know.  I don't need to know anymore.  I could piece together details that would make it "look" like things were falling into place.  They didn't.  It took almost 8 months to finally hear a definitive "No."  Heartbreaking.  Maybe that is a "Final" no, maybe a "No for now."  Time will tell.  And as for our son, the stories are seemingly endless of heartache, struggle, frustration, and pain.  For the sake of privacy for our son, I'll just say this - we were surprised with a special needs adoption.  It has taken every ounce of my being.  We are in a spiritual battle each day.  So many specialists, so much time, so much energy, so much money...and it has been a lonely road.  It has been eye-opening in so many ways.


We are also recognizing our limits.  Through careful thought, prayer, and conversation, we are essentially leaving the ranks of homeschooling.  That was part of our 'identity' as a family - we were a homeschooling family.  That was really tough to let go - never realized how much that had become a part of us until we decided to hang it up.

I've learned, "How are you doing?" is such a loaded question.  Most people ask that as a courtesy, but they really don't want to hear the real answer.  The real answer?  Life kind of stinks right now.  People don't like to hear about "icky."  I don't like "icky."  I'm exhausted and worn out from the "icky."  I'm broke.  In debt actually.  The typical Christian cliches don't work.  I don't want to hear, "It's all in God's timing," or "That's all part of His plan," or some other 'pat' answer that is supposed to provide some solace in a situation.  Does that really help anyone?  Doesn't for me at least.  But what am I doing for others?  I can't really be there for anyone else at this point.  The tank is on E.  I'm spent.

The words of Jim Palmer haunt me weekly - do I want to know this God?  I am acquainted with pain - more pain than I care to deal with, really.  Would I trade it?  No.  The last year He has revealed to me who I am and what lies I still believe about myself.  He has shown me so many things through this time.  And this ounce of pain in the world that I've become acquainted with so well is such a minute portion of pain that God sees every day throughout this world.  And people endure much greater and more difficult trials than us.  I'm not looking for pity.  I'm not looking for money.  I'm not looking for a trophy.  I hope people can open their eyes.  I'm shocked at how good I was at insulating myself from this hurting world and building a theology around that insulation process, and touting "victory" from my cave.  I'm finding it hard to not harden my heart.  I wonder what we are all doing, just content to go to work, pay the bills, attend church, and maintain the status quo.  For what?  Often times I feel like Solomon in a way - it's vanity, it's vanity, it's all vanity...

The Author and Finisher

"You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world. Matt 5:8 MSG"

It has been an excruciatingly long 3 days since Oleysia departed. Many things have happened in those 3 days that have lead to some excitement, fear, and uncertainty with how this whole story is going to unfold.

God has been taking us back through the 2 year journey of adoption. I won't get ino everything here, as there are so many details that are probably only meaningful to us, but as we see the story unfold, we can see God's hand all over it. The most important revelation came to me this week concerning our present situation:

When we started over 2 years ago saying, "We want to adopt a sibling group from Ethiopia"... He was with us.

When we were told we had to put our adoption on hold because of pregnancy, and we were hurt because it was better for a child to languish in an orphanage than be with us and our newborn...He was with us.

When the paperwork needed to proceed with the adoption - the paperwork that if we had it at the time of pregancy they would have let us proceed - came just weeks after...He was with us.

When Jenn stumbled on New Horizons hosting program, and since we couldn't proceed with adoption at that time, we felt at least we could host...He was with us.

When Jenn had questions about different children on the waiting list for hosting, and hadn't heard from anyone at the hosting program, Jenn found a number on their website of a man who happened to have adopted from Oleysia's home and told us about Oleysia...He was with us.

When Oleysia was here, and we were all loving on another and cherishing the time together...He was with us.

He was showing us all this to help us see that He has been in the midst of it all. He showed me a picture 2 years ago of a game of bejeweled. It wasn't until recently that He gave me understanding of that picture - He is taking a mess of stuff and moving pieces around to bring things together and fall into place. Today I can see how he *could* make things fall rapidly into place and we could walk in favor that would be beyond imagination. I also see how we could get news that would hurt incredibly badly, and it would prolong the journey even more. And it isn't that I lack faith for the "beyond imagination" part - this is His story, not mine. He is the author and finisher of our faith. But He also lead us to Luke 17 - He is a righteous judge who will move swiftly...will He find faith in the earth? I think He's finding it here - I can honestly say I'm resting in Him, no matter the outcome...doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt...but He is with us.

We prayed several months ago that our heart would break over the things that break His heart. Today we sit, totally broken...but He is with us.

And now...our court date is slipping consistently for getting our little guy home from Ethiopia. Famine is ravishing the horn of Africa.

Oleysia must make some incredibly difficult and painful decisions, sacrificing something of her old life, or sacrificing what could be and is already here...some crazy stuff for a very young girl...but He is with her, and His is with us.

I'm excited, but also scared of what lies ahead...but I know He is with us.

He is with us.

Doctrine and Relationships: Part II

I heard a cartoon recently that basically went something like this:

Frame #1: A man turns to his friend and says, "I'm going to get closer to God." His friend says, "How are you going to do that?"
Frame #2: The man grabs a ladder and stands it up.
Frame #3: The man climbs the ladder as someone else is holding the ladder. A crowd begins to assemble and asking, "What is this man doing?" His friend says, "He's trying to get closer to God!"
Frame #4: Someone from the crowd asks the man holding the ladder, "Who are you?" He answers simply, "God."

I know I have been guilty of this. There was this drive to "do something for God" when He is simply desiring to be in relationship with Him. He began showing me some of my heart.

"If you love me, you will obey what I command. Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." (John 14:15, 21 NIV)

I believe I've had a true relationship with the Father throughout what I believe to be my salvation. I muddied the waters a bit with striving, religion, and other junk, but there was true relationship. And throughout my walk, I have drawn conclusions from my experiences with Him and from the Word. I would call that "theology" or "doctrine." My doctrine was derived from relationship, not as a means to arriving at relationship. But for some reason, I found myself trying to teach that doctrine as if it would help people arrive at relationship, then getting frustrated when others weren't having the same results. It recently hit me (yeah, stupid me!), that maybe what Jesus was saying "your love for me is evident by you obeying what I command", not "if you obey me, you'll do these things and it proves you love me." I believed the former for myself, but applied the latter to others. Wow! What a pharisee I had become!!!

But as I pondered this, Father was showing me what was behind this. If I receive a revelation, derive doctrine from it and teach it to others, I could captivate an audience, probably build a following, and look pretty darn good, holy and righteous in the process. And in that process, I'd be putting my yoke of religious duty around His people...and it is better for me to have a millstone around my neck at that point. Ouch! That's building something...but I think He made it clear - He builds the house!

I was talking to someone recently who was talking about organizational structure and how Jesus had this sort of structure to His ministry. He had the 3 beloved disciples, then the other 9, then the 70 he sent out, then the multitudes that followed Him. First problem is, from the time of the miracles with the bread, to the day of pentecost, what happened to the multitudes? I'm thinking they were following Jesus the man because of 'the show', what was in it for them, or their comfort, and not true relationship. Could I be on to something? What was my motivation? Another problem in the same vain is, Jesus spent much of his time telling these people to engage the Father. John 14:7 says, "Had you known me, you would know my Father." He was pointing people to the Father and to have relationship with Him. How much am I doing that? Most of what I wanted was "Follow me as I follow Christ." Yuck!

And I arrive here at this place as a close friend deals with the emotions of being told "he's not walking with the Father because he's not part of 'this new thing' God is doing." Huh? I think I've been guilty of that a time, or two, too. The funny thing is, I think God has been trying to do 'this new thing' for 2000 years, but we keep getting in the way. It isn't anything new. If it were, and I'm a part of it, I must be somebody or something special. It isn't about homechurch/cell groups/home groups/organic growth/blah/blah/blah, how long we worship, or how long we pray, or who is prophesying, or any of that stuff - not that stuff is all bad in and of itself. God doesn't seem to be about form. He shows up where He wants to, we just need to yield to that. Jesus said the Kingdom of God is within you...I think I'm finally learning to rest in that!

Doctrine and Relationship: Part I

I'm enjoying a season of new found freedom in the love of the Father. The simple truth of the commands "Loving God" and "Loving my neighbor" has taken on new meaning, and in doing so, revelation has come - what is true relationship, and why do I keep trying to build something?

"Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain." (Psalm 127:1a)

So what does it mean to allow the Lord to build His house? I used to get really into this sort of thing - what does the last-day church look like? where does the 5-fold ministry fit into that? where are the signs and wonders? what is His plan for my life? All this analyzing, striving, and anxiety over what to do and how to get there. Why was I so focused on the form? It has been some time that I've come to the understanding of the form not being all that important. I used to lead the parade of banner wavers for home church, but that seemed to be just religion in the home...I was disillusioned...so what was I to do?

Now I'm understanding this a little better. I am to live in a life lived loved by my Father, and seize opportunities that He gives to love "my neighbor." What a concept! I've slowed down life enough to see His presence in engaging with people I wouldn't have chosen left to myself. Places I would never expect, either - Lowe's, the beach, the lake, in my cube at work, etc. And it took no force or manipulation, no need to drive the conversation one way or another...all this, and it didn't happen in a church building, during a meeting, or at a 'home group.' Could this be how He's building His church? Taking a group of nobodies with no agenda and allowing Him to arrange appointments, meetings, encounters, etc. for when and what we need? I always thought I needed to find a group of "likeminded people" so we could "fellowship" on things we agreed on...hmm...maybe I was struggling with a complex of wanting to be accepted...hmm...

The most freeing part of this journey for me now is this - Jesus said when you pray, pray like this, "give us this day our daily bread." I was always looking to the future, and today was only relevant in how it applied to how I was getting to my destination. The destination was basically how I was to build a ministry for Him. So with my attention focused so much on "my destiny and purpose", I was missing out on the today...the people He had right in front of me who He wanted to use to touch me, and He wanted me to sew into. This wasn't about me ministering down to people and gaining a following, as though I was an authority on something...that's not very humbling...He didn't want me to arrive at that place, and by His grace I don't think I'm there. But now I don't need to worry about the future. Jesus said today has enough worry of its own. If by His grace He reveals something down the road, my flesh wants to fill the gaps and arrive at the destination without Him...so now I find myself at rest, living out each day with Him. What a freedom!

More on this later...

Entering His Rest

With our recent financial woes unfolding in this nation, it is becoming increasingly harder to maintain our peace. I know for myself, I wanted to be in a much better financial position when these storms came. The Lord has pressed upon me the importance of "making ready" for years, but I felt like I had failed. I felt like I should have been more prepared for this time. But I felt the Lord saying that if we had acheived my goals of being debt free, off the grid, more self-sufficient with food, etc., I would miss the Glory of Him. It will be more glorious, and require more faith, to see Him provide in lean times than in times of plenty. The events that are taking place now are so He can reveal His glory to His people. I use this example to the point of exhaustion, but when the Hebrews left Egypt, they had nothing. When they came to the Red Sea, they waited on the provision of the Lord and He parted the seas and they walked on dry land. I'm tired of trying to find row boats, or jumping in to swim, struggling to fight in my own strength instead of waiting on the Lord. But in order to wait on Him, we must enter His rest. His peace "surpasses all understanding. (Phillipians 4:7)" He has given us authority to speak to the storms and calm them - we are overcomers in Him! (see Luke 8:22-25). Christ died at the place called Gilgatha - "the place of the skull". He came to crucify our minds so that we may live by the spirit - as Paul said, we are to live by the renewing of our minds. I don't want to get distracted here; my point is we need to keep our eyes on Him and walk by the spirit in the midst of trials and tribulations in the natural.

In talking about the coming Kingdom, Jesus said, "Just as it was in the days of Noah, so also will it be in the days of the Son of Man. People were eating, drinking, marrying and being given in marriage up to the day Noah entered the ark. Then the flood came and destroyed them all." Then, when the flood subsided, Noah released a dove to go out to see if it could find safety on dry land. The dove returned when it could not find a place of rest, but when it found safety, it went out and left. Just as in those days, today we need to say "'Peace to this house.' If a man of peace is there, your peace will rest on him; if not, it will return to you...Heal the sick who are there and tell them, 'The kingdom of God is near you.' But when you enter a town and are not welcomed, go into its streets and say, 'Even the dust of your town that sticks to our feet we wipe off against you.' Yet be sure of this: The kingdom of God is near. (Luke 10:5-6, 9-10)" We must enter His rest and walk in His peace to navigate these times. When we walk in His peace and rest in Him, the Kingdom is near - the Kingdom is at hand! Jesus was so aware of the peace within Him and who He was in the Father, that when He was touched by the sick woman in the crowds in Luke 8:45, 46, He felt the something leave Him. We, too, must be this in tune with the Father. It is also interesting to note, in verse 43 it says "she had spent all she had on doctors" - Jesus did what man could not do. The peace we have in Him will draw the world to us, and ultimately to Him. He is preparing His people with the present circumstance to turn our eyes and our hearts toward heaven. Wait and see the salvation and glory of the Lord!