Perspectives

I had a dream recently. I don't often have dreams of any kind, so if I have something, especially not pertaining to something that I'm emersed in, I tend to pay attention.

In the dream, it was as if I was watching a movie in first-person. I saw the reel begin with the countdown of 3-2-1 in black and white, and then the title, "Perspectives". I watched as a man, whom I did not recognize, was sitting in his living room looking out the window across the street at a neighbor's house. He turned toward the direction of another room and yelled to his wife, "Can you believe the neighbors? It's June already and he doesn't even have his crops in! Gosh - and his yard is such a mess!!!" The man was obviously annoyed and distraught by his neighbor's inability to maintain his yard and found it completely ridiculous that he couldn't even get his crops in. It was June - too late to plant crops.
The scene faded out, and then faded in. The setting was the same. This unknown man was looking out the window again. This time he turned toward his wife in the other room and said, "Honey, have you seen the neighbor's house? He needs help - it's June and his crops aren't even in. The least we can do is mow his yard for him." As it faded out, I heard a voice over, a narrator I guess, say "It's a matter of perspectives".

It is amazing what a change in our perspective will do. This was the same exact situation, but because of perspectives - one outcome was a man to extend help and bless his neighbor, the other of judgement and anger. Which am I? The other point I think in this was - I didn't know what was the deal with the neighbor and why he wasn't able to keep up - but does that matter? So often I find myself ascribing motive to my "neighbor" and miss out on opportunity to bless. This is a situation where we are not to be the judge. If we'll be watchful, it is amazing how many times the Father is giving us opportunity to help our "neighbor" if we just pay attention...

Sin Is Its Own Punishment

Sin is its own punishment! I used to think that by going through a "sanctification process", I was setting myself apart from the world for God. Wow, what a Pharisee I had become! Here is the problem with this stance and a portion of the evangelical church.

Many believe the best form of evangelism is to talk about Hell and eternal condemnation. But if someone comes to the Lord through those means, do they really come to know the Lord? The begining of wisdom is the fear of God. I believe begining because He draws us into relationship. And it is relationship with Him - not through fear of hell. The fear of hell should not be the motivation - pefect love casts out fear. If He is love, how can we come to know Him truly if we are afraid of incurring His wrath? It also breeds this "in" and "out" mentality. This is often how "movements" start, and churches...

A few years ago, I was talking to a man about Godly living, the world, and sanctification. He told me, "If I just lived by what I wanted, I'd be a part of an orgy every night with 40 or more women. I don't, because I serve God." Hmm. Really? The reality is, He gives us free will, and the freedom to fail - to try things and find that when we come to the end of ourselves, He's right there waiting for us. We should not want to take part of an orgy because it isn't what is best for us. It is to our benefit to avoid for the sake of our physical bodies, our spiritual bodies, our spouse, family, etc. The word says to obstain from such an activity, not for the sake of following some law in drudgery, but because that is what is best for our well-being. The bible says, "Thou shalt not steal." I don't steal from my neighbor because of a love for him as a fellow man and how he'd feel if I stole from him. When we view sin as the fun stuff the world gets to do that we aren't allowed to indulge in, this breeds the "in/out" mentality and gives us something to boast in. It also gives us some sort of twisted solace knowing people will be punished for the wicked things I'm forsaking as service to God. "I've followed the whole law since I was young" as the rich young ruler said. We get to define our own morality and spirituality by twisting scripture to justify our theology and actions. This is how we maintain superiority over "sinners." This doesn't sound like freedom! A life lived loved with our Father realizes that sin is its own worst punishment, and life in Him offers true freedom. The wages of sin is death. To the world, they are enslaved to this because they don't know any differently - but a Father in heaven loves them and wants to free them from the bondage of their own sin.

The Prodigal and Parenting

Then He said: A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.’ So he divided to them his livelihood. And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living. But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything.
“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.”’
“And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ And they began to be merry.
“Now his older son was in the field. And as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and because he has received him safe and sound, your father has killed the fatted calf.’
“But he was angry and would not go in. Therefore his father came out and pleaded with him. So he answered and said to his father, ‘Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends. But as soon as this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him.’
“And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found.’” Luke 15:11-32 NKJV

I have written about this little passage quite a bit as of late (see 'Freedom to Fail'). There is another lesson here - how am I as a parent? Am I giving the freedom to fail? Or am I trying to remain in control?

I've thought a lot about this as of late. We were out eating pizza for lunch recently when a man approached our table and asked, "Are all these related to you?" We get this a lot, having 7 children. Most people look at us like you would a car accident or some sort of freak show. I responded with a "yes" and we exchanged a few words and went on eating. I didn't think much of the exchange. Later, though, as I was checking out at the register, the man approached me again. He told me he was a retired child psychologist, and was analyzing the exchanges of our children during lunch. Yikes! He asked, "So how do you do it? I can see a genuine love with how you, your wife, and your children interact and interrelate with one another." I responded by saving that we have a genuine love for our children, which he responded with, "Is 'Just Love' some organization you work with or what? I realize I've dealt with deviant behavior in children for most of my career, but I want to share your story - so how do you do it?" After being pressed again, I said that we love the Lord and we rely on Him. He replied, "That's nice and all - a lot of people say 'I believe in Jesus' but are just as screwed up as everyone else...you're different...what's different?" "Learning to live a relaxed live in the love of my Father," I told him. Then I joked with him that he could come tomorrow and one of our children could be standing on the tables or yelling or who knows...difference is - we try to see what we need to learn from every situation. We're long past being embarrassed by our children's behavior in public, and therefore don't feel compelled to control them - they behave because they love us, not because we demand it. We ended up talking for about 20 minutes about parenting and our relationship with the Lord. I don't know where he stood with all of it, but he wanted to interview us and make us a feature of some psych journal or magazine in which he contributes. It was an interesting exchange - I was blessed and encouraged, but it challenged me, too. I told him I'd think on the interview...not sure I want my life unveiled quite like that...this on the heals of a social worker visit for the adoption...but maybe we should? I don't know...I feel as though we're not all that worthy of the attention...but anyway...

So what am I doing as a parent?

After reading the passage above again, and this recent exchange, I had to ask myself - am I giving my children the freedom to fail? Good behavior is nice - that gets noticed...but good behavior can come at the expense of learning from failure. Is my children's sin more of a problem because of how it reflects on me as a parent, or because of their well-being? I understand we have to draw the line at times - I'm not going to give the keys to the ATV to my 4 year old, or allow my 12 year old to date. But do I give my children the freedom to fail? Would I look back at the life of a prodigal child and say it is all worthwhile if they come back? Or would I condemn them for not living the way I had raised them and didn't do things the way I would have? Having a teenager in the house is making for some interesting times. Can I see the redemptive in failures and "train them up in the way they should go?"

Freedom to Fail

Then He said: A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.’ So he divided to them his livelihood. And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living. But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything.
“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.”’
“And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring[b] out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ And they began to be merry.
“Now his older son was in the field. And as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and because he has received him safe and sound, your father has killed the fatted calf.’
“But he was angry and would not go in. Therefore his father came out and pleaded with him. So he answered and said to his father, ‘Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends. But as soon as this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him.’
“And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found.’” Luke 15:11-32 NKJV

This has become a favorite of mine. As of late, the Lord is showing me a different angle on the story: Father giving us the freedom to fail. This is exactly what the Lord did with Adam and Eve in the garden. Likewise, we must give others this same freedom. For most of my "christian life", I focused on the sin at the fall with Adam and Eve and how that act caused the rest of us all this misery. I see now something different here. For one, I'm redeemed and can live a life in the garden once again (see Joel 2), but also I see that maybe what God was after was relationship and trust...and if they were willing to eat of the tree, did they really have a great level of trust? In the story above, was it worth it to the father to have his son lose everything in order to be one with the father once again? I think that father would say it is all worth it...just like what happened with Adam and Eve...and for us today! Only by trusting Him do we find our fulfillment. I'm learning to focus on Him and my trust, not on the sin.

God seems to be less concerned about our mistakes and more concerned about our response. This reveals our heart. Does it reveal it to Him? Probably not - I think it is 100% for our benefit as He already knows. The right response, like the 'prodigal son', is to run to Him. The wrong response is to run and hide.

In "He Loves Me" by Wayne Jacobsen, he puts it this way:

A familiar proverb advises that if you love something you should set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. Only those who have loved something enough to let it go can even get a glimpse of what God accomplished in that Garden.

What a love this Father has for me and for us!