Overestimating Myself

"The greatest barrier to living-loved is the overestimation of our own capability." -Wayne Jacobsen

I heard that on one of his podcasts several weeks ago.  The words echoed in my soul.  One of those times a man is saying something, but you know it is a living God really speaking through someone to you.  "Is this my problem,"  I wondered.  Is this why I live in a state of joylessness and constantly stressed out?  Within that same podcast, he quoted this scripture:

 What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don’t be afraid of missing out. You’re my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself. -Luke 12:29-32 MSG

Relaxed?  Me??  Ha!  Afraid of missing out? 

On the way to church one Sunday morning, I could hear that still, small voice whisper, "If I asked you to walk away from your house, would you?"  I thought for a moment, then replied, "That would seem unwise, plus that's a lot of money to leave on the table."  Then He asked, "If I asked you to do something totally different in your career, would you do it?"  He reminded me when we first moved, I had this itch to open a Rita's or a Subway up our way.  New town, no real experience in the restaurant industry - but I was ready to jump.  Man, was that naive and dumb...or was it?  I don't know...within 2 years, 3 Rita's opened up.  They're still around 7 years later.  Have I lost my child-like faith?  Or youthful zeal?  Or am I wiser and better at 'planning a tower' (Luke 14:28)?  I continued pondering, "No way I'd leave my career - I'm really good at this software engineering stuff.  I know what I'm doing - I'm good at it.  If you asked me to farm, I know some stuff about that, so maybe.  But anything else...I don't think so."  Hmm, where am I putting my trust - Him or me?  I started out good.  I truly believe my talents and abilities are God-given, and God watered them along the way to make them flourish.  But somewhere along the way, I took what He gave and ran with it.  Now my trust is in my own capability and not in Him.

There is comfort in sticking with what is safe and familiar.  And for a guy who always wants the 32,000 foot view, there is safety in that, too.  There is also the aspect of knowing the cost.  But in the end, what I'm finding is He doesn't seem too particularly interested in our comfort.  He's more in it for our hearts.  He's after our hearts.  He loves us.  I feel like the season ahead will bring great change if we fully trust and rest in Him.  My wife said this is the season to dream.  That's downright scary!