Me and God

We asked for God to break our hearts with the things that break His. He's doing it. We are learning so much about Him and how He views us. It's so heart-breaking and gut-wrenching. It hurts.

There have been several things that have reasonated in my spirit this week:

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -Thomas Edison

"The most prickly of children is often the one that needs the affection the most" -Jenn's friend

I've posted below from Divine Nobodies by Jim Palmer. I posted this before, but I was re-reading it this week. God lead me to it and I think it is so applicable to where I am at. As I read, I realized, I'm sitting in 13D. Do I really want to go here with God?

Read below:

"From Nashville, we covered 8,792 miles to get there, and soon after arriving I was plunged into an evil I hoped existed only in nightmares. I would have long since conveniently buried this experience beneath a mountain of rationalizations if I hadn't looked deep into the vacant eyes of a twelve-year-old sex slave and vowed never to forget. Her expression cannot be purged from memory, and sometimes my mind plays tricks by imposing her face on some little girl I see walking in the mall or playing in the park. Returning to my past world of ignorance would relieve my grief, but it's impossible to go back.

He goes on to depict some graphic and horrific details that I won't put here. He goes on to give details of his mission with the International Justice Mission, a group which deploys operatives around the globe to rescue victims of horrific human rights crimes, usually involving children. He goes on, talking about being confronted with the realities of this world being right in front of him, and no longer buried in the obscure sections in the back of the newspaper. He goes on:

My worldview was turned upside down in the length of time it took to walk past the line of little girls waiting outside a clinic to receive treatment for AIDS and every sexually transmitted disease imaginable. I couldn't get back on the plane to Nashville quick enough.

I've done my share of globe-hopping, traveling to parts of the world most wouldn't be too interested to vacation in. One has a lot of time to kill on those long international flights, especially if you're like me and can't sleep well on planes. Flying home from South Asia, my books were stuffed in the bottom of my duffel bag, lost somewhere in the abyss of the overhead compartment. I decided I didn't want to risk waking up the kid next to me, who had finally stopped crying and gone to sleep. I had read every newspaper, was not interested in purchasing a thingamabob from the Sky Mall magazine, and had already seen Father of the Bride twice. So I sat and I thought...

Have you ever stopped to wonder, Where was God today? Yes, I know God is 'omnipresent,' but I mean specifically, where was God today? Where did he go? What did he see? How did he feel? I began imagining God present at that miraculous moment a precious life was born into the world, the joy and marvel of the newborn bearing God's image and uniquely fashioned by his hands. Taking in the beauty of a brilliant blazing sun slowly descending behind endless ocean waves, I have felt the company of the Creator amid the splendor of his handiwork. Jogging a woodland trail one autumn morning I passed an aged couple leisurely strolling in conversation hand in hand. God must have been there smiling as these soul mates shared a ripe and tender love, a gift from God, who is himself named Love. These simple but magnificent miracles inspire love and adoration for God deep within and draw me to him.

Somewhere over the Atlantic, forty thousand feet about the earth, these nice thoughts about God gave way to disturbing images I wish I could forget from my trip. Now the question, where was God today? tortured me. Today a ten-year-old girl is being strapped down tight to a bed and brutally and repeatedly raped. God is present. Today an eight-year-old emaciated boy is covered with a cardboard box and left to die. Slowly he slips into unconsciousness. God is present. Today a young mom of three wails in bed as her skeletal body writhes with the unrelenting agony of AIDS. God is present. Still, I grew angry. Why was God pushing these horrors in my face? I was emotionally spent and wanted to go home to myworld. God could have that world; that was his deal; he's God; I didn't live in that world.

Or did I?

Sitting in 13D, I uncovered something unsettling about myself. I don't really want a 'relationship' with God. Here's what I want. I want to share with God all I feel, all I need, all that grieves me, all that makes me happy, the puzzling things, the fun things, and the hard things, but I would prefer that God keep his stuff to himself. I don't want to hear about his pain and share in his grief. I don't mind listening to God as long as I'm receiving solutions, answers, and advice. Maybe what I really want is a divine vending machine: pop in my prayer, press the button for my need, and I'm good to go. A professional live-in massage therapist and a Starbucks within walking distance would be nice too.

Any relationship involves two people, you and the other. It seems that in a 'relationship' with God, we would desire to listen to the Other to learn what the Other is really like. But how is this possible without going through the adventure of each day with the Other? Can we personally and intimately know someone without sharing experiences, and doing things together--little things as well as big things, and taking the risks of love together? Wouldn't we want to learn how to love those whom the Other loves, to see them through his eyes? We would want to rest and celebrate together, to share beautiful things, to laugh together. But wouldn't we also want to enter into the pain and grief the Other feels when pain, injustice, and cruelty are inflicted upon those he loves? In every abusive home where a child cries in fear and pain, and in every city street where a homeless person shivers under newspapers on the pavement, the living Christ is there. Whether it's across town or on the other side of the globe, suffering people surround us. Maybe 'carrying Jesus' cross' is our free choice to become compassionately involved with him in the pain of others and be partners with God in bringing healing and transformation.

Just a small glimpse into God's world was enough for me. It's staggering to consider the intensity of anger and anguish I felt witnessing just a few injustices compared to what God must feel being personally and fully present to countless such heinous horrors 24/7. You'd have to be comatose not to feel God's hurt and anger ooze from the pages of Scripture over the oppression of the weak and vulnerable. Even after all my sophisticated exegesis of the Old Testament prophets and words of Jesus, I can't seem to get away from the fact that the main message of God to his people about injustice is to get off our rear ends and do something! This goes way deeper than feeling guilty about doing more; I'm trying to figure our how I got to the place where the things that break the heart of God are so marginal to mine.

I'm starting to wonder if I can even have a 'relationship' with God this way, and I'm left with the question of how much I really want to know God. There's no having it both ways. Whether I like it or not, the God who dances over the breathtaking sunrise weeps over each victim of brutality.

Any relationship runs the risk of drifting apart over time. Take boy meets girl. In the hunting phase (or 'dating' phase), guys become mysteriously and happily engaged in virtually everything the woman has interest in, including endless browsing at Pier 1 and watching Brad Pitt movies. We become brainwashed in love. College football, working out, and playing golf are easily sacrificed on the altar of love. They get married, and five years later, she's at the mall with a friend, and he's at home TiVo-ing the big game and watching Terminator 5 while running on the treadmill. They have grown apart due to their separate interests. When I started off with Jesus, I wanted to know everything about him. I would have gone anywhere and done anything at any cost. As the years rolled on, somehow I became less interested in him and more interested in me. More specifically, what he could do for me. Rather than a relationship, my Christianity morphed into some sort of divine self-help philosophy, problem-solving plan, and life-improvement strategy.

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I had a few moments alone with Varsha on a bench in the outdoor courtyard of the recovery ranch where she now lives. We sat and talked. I learned that being saved from the brothel was just the first step on her long and difficult road to freedom. It was going to take a lifetime to recover from the physical, emotional, and spiritual damage she had experienced. She knows one thing: this Jesus must be worth knowing if his followers risk their lives to rescue nobodies like her. Reaching into a brown paper bag, she bashfully pulled out a braided leather necklace and presented it to me. She made it herself. Part of the healing process had been her discovering a talent for making jewelry and dresses, which she sold at the market.

It was time for her to go; she had an appointment at the AIDS clinic in the city and an afternoon counseling session. I felt awkward and didn't know what to say. Wanting to hug her, I had become timid myself. Time was ticking, and so I clumsily asked, 'Do you mind if I give you a hug good-bye?' As we embraced, I closed my eyes. This was a holy moment. In my arms was a precious and priceless daughter of God. One million new girls every year around the world are forced into child prositution. Can someone like me or you really make any difference in such a massive sea of hurting people? It may not seem like much, but in moments like this, the ability to impact one life means a lot. God knows this one by name, and now she is free.

Sometimes what happens in our world is absolute evil, unimaginable chaos, and a stunning reversal of God's intent for creation. When my heart is broken open by suffering, especially suffering caused by human selfishness and cruelty, I meet a more complex God than I would prefer. Sometimes he is an uncomforting God who does not provide easy, consoling answers to my pleading question, Why? At other times he is a discomforting God, and his grief is simultaneously a cry for justice that enters creation like a mighty storm, rousing God's people from their sleep. While we wait in the darkness and ask God, 'Why did you let this happen?' God hurls the question back to us: "Wake up, people, to what is happening. Why do you let this happen in the world I gave you?'

Whenever people are victims of injustice, God desires intervention. Some people in our world suffer from lack of food, water, shelter, or medical care. I'm beginning to see there's a whole other category of suffering in the world, namely, oppression. It's a crime of opportunity when powerful people exploit the weak and vulnerable by taking what they have or forcing them to do what they otherwise wouldn't. This grieves and angers God, and we reflect his image in us when we refuse to tolerate it. This God is both powerful and vulnerable in ways that are consistent with relationship and with life. He cares deeply about the well-being of every person in every community. He is passionate about wholeness and peace. He also hardwired humanity with free will. With that will, people commit injustice and believers ignore it. To live faithfully in relationship with God requires facing the whole truth of our world, looking honestly at our part in it, and being true to our identity as sons and daughters of God in the midst of it. This discomforting God forces us to face reality and mobilizes us to do something about it.

Whether it's across the ocean or across town, it's never been about the number of people I can help relative to the size of the need. It's about relationship. With God. With one another. This one young girl in the middle of nowhere matters to him, and as we embrace, I feel she's starting to matter to me. We say our good-byes; she goes her way, and I go mine. Almost nine thousand miles is a long way to travel, but I think the distance between God and me is shrinking."

2 prickly kids in "overalls" showed up at my door this week. Where was God when they were orphanned? Where was God along the way to today? And today...where was He today? God is here and has been there all along the way. He's here today. He wants me right here with Him. He desires love, justice, and mercy. I think that is what is the hardest - I'm not particularly fond of my responses to my discomfort, anger, and offense in the midst of all this. These kids matter to Him, even though I'm ready to throw in the towel. No matter the outcome, maybe we'll see the distance between "God and me is shrinking"...it already is...

Ethiopia: One Anothering

Our trip to Ethiopia made an impact on me in so many ways. One of the biggest things that struck me about the people in Ethiopia was that they seemed to have a genuine care for one another and really enjoyed each other.

Someone from Ethiopia said that we (Americans) measure a day by how much we get done, but in Ethiopia they measure a day by how many people they get to talk to and how many lives they touch. This was evident throughout our stay there. They understand the art of "one anothering". I realize there is a balance, but all too often we in America fall prey to the to-do list and forsake relating to one another.

I recently finished reading the book "Authentic Relationships, The Lost Art of One-Anothering" by Wayne Jacobsen. It is an absolute must-read in my opinion, but an Ethiopian would probably be completely befuddled as to why someone would write such books, especially in "Christiandom", about how to make time for relating to people. We in America have allowed productivity to eclipse relationship, and the church is sadly no different in many cases. Church is not a task, not an array of programs, not a meeting, nor a place. We are the church. A group of folks walking along side one another in a journey. This was just another opportunity along the journey for Him to show me more of what that looks like.

The first day, as our friends prepared a feast to celebrate our arrival, they invited the taxi driver to share the meal. He stayed and ate as if he was just another member of the family. We spent 2 days visiting some of our sponsored children with Children's HopeChest. During our travels with them, the driver was out along side us, spending time with the children as well. At one place, our child didn't speak Amharic but spoke some other dialect, but our driver was right there with us and able to translate for us!

We had an issue on what was supposed to be our last night. Our flight was canceled, but since we had a late checkout of 6pm, we opted to spend the day as planned and ask the hotel when we returned to just give us another night. But when we returned late that afternoon, we were told that the hotel was overbooked and we would need to get out. With news that we were to get out of the hotel in an hour, our new friend of just 24 hours took it upon himself to go out with the driver and find a place for us to stay. He told us, "Just relax, this is Ethiopia - there are plenty of places to stay." Those words burned in my ears - just relax? But that is what has been reiterated over, and over, and over to me in the last year - just relax. Relax into a life lived loved with our Father in heaven. Over the next hour, it was one of the finest examples of "carrying one anothers burdens" that I had ever experienced, as our friend tried finding us a place to stay.

God was showing me in such small ways how He orchestrates things and makes things work out. My wife and I noticed a woman on our flight headed to Africa wearing an adoption t-shirt on the flight - and lo and behold that woman and her husband just happen to be at the guest house we ended up at that final night. Or I met a woman at the money exchange counter at the airport, and we met again on the flight home. They may have simply been coincidence as it seemed nothing of great significance came as a result of these encounters, but what struck me was that even in the midst of the busy-ness of a city of 6 million people, He is at work orchestrating things if we just slow down enough to make time for one another and to see His hand at work in our lives.

He is amazing! In such a brief trip, it was overwhelming all the things He was showing us. The purpose was to meet our little guy we're adopting, but it was so much more. We enjoyed conversation. We made some new friends. We got to know those around us - I hope we can retain that back here in the states!

How long must I perservere in prayer?

How long must I perservere in prayer?

Given some personal circumstance, it has challenged me in what I believe. I need to have a stance which will reflect a strategy in the spirit for the days ahead. It is a question I have mulled over for quite some time. I've swung the pendulum far in both directions on this one - from God will do what He wants predestination fatalism to all-night prayer marathons in order to change God's mind. Neither are right. And I don't even know that those are the only 2 sides...

Recently the Lord pointed me to this scripture:

Then He spoke a parable to them, that men always ought to pray and not lose heart, saying: “There was in a certain city a judge who did not fear God nor regard man. Now there was a widow in that city; and she came to him, saying, ‘Get justice for me from my adversary.’ And he would not for a while; but afterward he said within himself, ‘Though I do not fear God nor regard man, yet because this widow troubles me I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me.’”
Then the Lord said, “Hear what the unjust judge said. And shall God not avenge His own elect who cry out day and night to Him, though He bears long with them? I tell you that He will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will He really find faith on the earth?” (Luke 18:1-8)

This was reassuring - we have a righteous judge who will come speedily. But, what happens when it feels like He isn't coming quickly? We're in a situation where something is dragging on and on - how do I pray? I used to pray for what I wanted, or what seemed 'godly', and prayed until it came to pass. And if it didn't? That lead to being quite deflated, or worse. Often times I found myself offended with God. So now what?

I have been reading a book by Wayne Jacobsen called 'Naked Church.' Taken from the chapter entitled 'Clothed with Power', he addresses this very issue which really spoke to me:

God's power is released by his activity, not his ability. God can do anything. His power over creation is total and complete...Faith doesn't rest on what God can do but on what he is doing. Abraham was commended for his faith, not for the son he wanted, but for the son God had promised... (See Romans 4:21)
That's why intimacy is the link to God's power. Until we see what God is doing in a given situation, we have no basis to be confident about its outcome. Jesus himself lived that way: "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does" (John 5:19). God wants us as well to know what he's doing, so we can cooperate with him.
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As long as you're convinced of God's desire, stay with the need...To learn perseverance, we must stop seeing our prayers as requisition forms laid on the desk of a supervisor...True prayer is the vehicle by which God brings his power into our circumstances...How long should you persevere? Until you are convinced that the outcome matches God's desire.
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Perseverance also means standing with peope if the hoped-for miracle doesn't arrive...

Perseverance is key. How long? As long as it takes. How long is that? Only the Father knows and will tell us through relationship and intimacy with Him. That's the part that's tough for me. Prayer must continue until His will is carried out - but first I must be in tune enough to know His will! And then doing this alongside others? That's an even higher level of perseverance! How often do we not see God's will come to fruition because we don't persevere? How often do we miss it because of offense?

Back to the grind...

Grafted In

Through the experience in recent weeks and preparation for our son to come home, we've been reading materials on adoption. So many things have struck me in how you "tie the strings" with an adoptive child that I took for granted with our biological children. But as I read about these things, I realized just how much it parallels our journey with our Heavenly Father.

We're "grafted in" as Romans 11 talks about. We're adopted into His family. I'm seeing more and more the choices I have made along the journey is what our adopted children will need to do with us. I came to know the Lord in my late teen years. I had 18 years of living apart from Him to draw some pretty ridiculous conclusions about this world and how it operates. It isn't reality in God's kingdom, but it is my reality because of conclusions I drew through experiences in this life. Paul says he saw "dimly." We do, too. Our adoptive children will be in that same boat - they will be our children, but will see dimly as to the reality of what it means to have us as their earthly father and mother. It will require months and months of training. It will require such simple things as mom and dad serving dinner on their plates so they understand where provision comes from. There are so many things that will need to be re-trained in them because they have been fending for themselves, groping in the darkness.

Likewise, I see dimly because of the garbage I hold on to from my past and won't reliquish control and trust my adoptive Heavenly Father. This life is to be a life of freedom - it is designed to be resting in the "getting to", not "having to" under the yoke of fear, religion, or obligation. This is why we see dimly - we operate under the bondage of our old ways. This is another strong parallel - as parents, drawing them out of the old patterns and mindsets of fending for themselves, or living life for themselves, or trying to earn acceptance through works, or whatever the case may be...it is no different for us who are being grafted in to His family.

I know it is a finished work at the cross, but this is still a process of understanding how we are defined in Him and learning to cooperate with Him. Satan's game has always been the "if" game - "if you do this, then..." God has already paid the price in full and given us this gift - the ultimate gift of grace and freedom - and it involves nothing but rest.

Trying Not to Waste Trials

Growing to trust God is the essence of true spirituality, and fortunately he understands how difficult it is for us to learn that. Jesus will teach you how to trust his Father with the same patience that he taught his own disciples. Two kinds of experiences will be important here. First are those times when God provides for you or uses you in ways that leave you overwhelmed with his greatness and goodness.

Second, he uses those situations in which you are challenged by need so great that you know you are powerless to resolve it yourself. Don't despise those moments or blame God for them. He doesn't create them. They simply result from a world out of synch with his desires that fall alike on the just and unjust. He will, however, use everything in your life, including your difficulties, to teach you how to trust Him more freely.

That's how Paul measured his troubles: "We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even unto death...But this happened taht we might not rely on ourselves but on God...He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us." (2 Cor 1:8,9)

Taken from The Naked Church by Wayne Jacobsen pp.112-113

I read that today and it really spoke to me, so I thought I'd share. I don't want to let any trial go to waste - this is the stuff He uses to shape us. I finally see it...

"Don't despise those moments or blame God for them." I spent much of my life angry. Much of my relationship with God was rooted in anger toward circumstance. If things were going my way, I must be walking in the blessing and was pleased with Him. But if things took a turn and became hard, I became hardened. I'm sure that produced quite a testimony to those around me of peace, joy, and love...

So here we are today. We just came out of a time where God used us in ways that left us overwhelmed with His love for us and others. Now we find ourselves headed toward challenges so great that we are powerless. He is working all things together - it is fascinating to watch as He unfolds each day along the journey!

The Author and Finisher

"You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world. Matt 5:8 MSG"

It has been an excruciatingly long 3 days since Oleysia departed. Many things have happened in those 3 days that have lead to some excitement, fear, and uncertainty with how this whole story is going to unfold.

God has been taking us back through the 2 year journey of adoption. I won't get ino everything here, as there are so many details that are probably only meaningful to us, but as we see the story unfold, we can see God's hand all over it. The most important revelation came to me this week concerning our present situation:

When we started over 2 years ago saying, "We want to adopt a sibling group from Ethiopia"... He was with us.

When we were told we had to put our adoption on hold because of pregnancy, and we were hurt because it was better for a child to languish in an orphanage than be with us and our newborn...He was with us.

When the paperwork needed to proceed with the adoption - the paperwork that if we had it at the time of pregancy they would have let us proceed - came just weeks after...He was with us.

When Jenn stumbled on New Horizons hosting program, and since we couldn't proceed with adoption at that time, we felt at least we could host...He was with us.

When Jenn had questions about different children on the waiting list for hosting, and hadn't heard from anyone at the hosting program, Jenn found a number on their website of a man who happened to have adopted from Oleysia's home and told us about Oleysia...He was with us.

When Oleysia was here, and we were all loving on another and cherishing the time together...He was with us.

He was showing us all this to help us see that He has been in the midst of it all. He showed me a picture 2 years ago of a game of bejeweled. It wasn't until recently that He gave me understanding of that picture - He is taking a mess of stuff and moving pieces around to bring things together and fall into place. Today I can see how he *could* make things fall rapidly into place and we could walk in favor that would be beyond imagination. I also see how we could get news that would hurt incredibly badly, and it would prolong the journey even more. And it isn't that I lack faith for the "beyond imagination" part - this is His story, not mine. He is the author and finisher of our faith. But He also lead us to Luke 17 - He is a righteous judge who will move swiftly...will He find faith in the earth? I think He's finding it here - I can honestly say I'm resting in Him, no matter the outcome...doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt...but He is with us.

We prayed several months ago that our heart would break over the things that break His heart. Today we sit, totally broken...but He is with us.

And now...our court date is slipping consistently for getting our little guy home from Ethiopia. Famine is ravishing the horn of Africa.

Oleysia must make some incredibly difficult and painful decisions, sacrificing something of her old life, or sacrificing what could be and is already here...some crazy stuff for a very young girl...but He is with her, and His is with us.

I'm excited, but also scared of what lies ahead...but I know He is with us.

He is with us.

3 Days to Change a Life

My life has changed forever! We are hosting a beautiful, wonderful girl from Latvia for 5 weeks. After only 3 days, I knew this was our daughter, whether she ever comes to live with us or not. There is a long, tragic story that lies behind a beautiful smile. For her sake, I won't share much of it here.

I have cried more in one week than I have in my entire life. Oh how I love this wonderful girl! My heart's desire is for her to be here, but she has some very big decisions to make. This is where the Lord has had me for most of her stay. For one, I try in my mind to figure out all the things that have to come together for her to be here. At the same time, wonder if that is something she would even want...the Lord just told me to live today to it's fullest - for tomorrow has enough worry of it's own. It isn't August 4th, yet - the day she goes home. Children are masters of living in the moment and living for today, fully dependent on their parents for everything - this is where He wants me - full trust.

But the other, more sobering thing Father has been showing me has unveiled through conversation with her and getting to know her story. Almost 13 years ago, here in America, two naive newlyweds in their late teens were about to have their first child and discover what a loving heavenly Father can do for 2 people who trust in Him. In a world away, another little girl was born, destined for life with many more trials, turmoil, and tragedy. This world is a really cruel and an unfair place. At 12, this girl must choose between remaining in an orphanage with a fractured family that visits sporadically while sticking with the familiar, or become a part of a new loving family at the expense of living half a world away from everything she has known her whole life. This world is a scary place for someone at 12 with no boundaries, no discipline, and no one cheering them on and encouraging them.

My heart breaks for this little girl. It isn't fair that at 12 she has to make decisions that will chart the course for the rest of her life. Life isn't fair.

I think the sadest part for me is she doesn't know anything different. Her reality is living in an orphanage. She told me not to be sad for her; that her situation is "ok." It's NOT OK!!!! I want the world for her, I'd do anything for her, buy her anything.

There are so many things God is sharing with me through this time. Things that are helping me grow as a father and as a person, as well as growth in my children, and ways to help her. I just pray that I can survive August 4th - the day she returns to Latvia.

Grass, mowers, and coming to the end of oneself

There I was, sitting in the middle of my yard overwhelmed by the lawn and all the work around me, having discovered yet another snake slithering through in the backyard earlier in the day. The grass was about 6 inches tall again. I had borrowed a tractor from a friend to mow the yard about a week prior. I remembered as I was riding it thinking this is what I needed here. I had tried to figure out a way to sell the 3 or 4 pieces of equipment I had that were broken down in order to muster enough money to buy something more suited for our property. I didn't have any money. It was my 25th attempt at fixing the lawn mower I had. I was tired. I had a million other things to do. I lamented to God. I remember telling Him something like, "Basically the only way I see this working out, Father, is if someone just drops by with something - I know you can do that...and I think that's what it's going to take, because this isn't working. I've had enough!" I finally finished by saying, "You put us here in this place, and this is where you want us, so if this is true, you figure out how to get this lawn mowed. I'm finished!" At that, I walked in the house and didn't give another thought to the jungle overtaking us.

"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule." (Matt 5:3 MSG)

That's where I was...at the end of my rope. I wasn't full of angst, worry or anger - just finished. I wasn't going to worry about it anymore...it was God's problem, whether I lived in a snake-filled house and yard, or could lose the children in the lawn within 4 feet of the deck - wasn't my problem - God could handle it.

I spent the week telling my children how God cares for us. There were a few fights to break up over "this is mine" or "that wasn't fair" and my response as of late has been to relax and just trust. God has been showing me to trust. He cares for us, he knows the number of hairs on our head. He'll take care of things if we let Him. He said to seek him first, and he'll add that other stuff to us - but seek Him first. Relax and trust, learning to live in the love of the Father...

Then I got a call from a friend this week. He told me to stop by because he had something to give me. When my wife asked what it was, I joked and said it was a car. Well, was I shocked when it was his lawn tractor! The thing is worth more than my car!!! He had said God told him to give it to me, that God wanted to love on me. I was absolutely shocked and humbled! I was taken back by my friend's willingness and obedience. It was so awesome to be able to hear about how God was using this to shape my friend and at the same time knowing what He was up to here.

Nothing is wasted with God! It absolutely amazes me how He is able to work all things together and that He does do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine!

Offenses

And the Lord said, “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.”

But he said to Him, “Lord, I am ready to go with You, both to prison and to death.”

Then He said, “I tell you, Peter, the rooster shall not crow this day before you will deny three times that you know Me.” (Luke 24:31-34)

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This passage amazes me. I'm not sure why it escaped me before, but here is Jesus preparing for the cross and has one friend sell him off to the government for a few bucks, and another who was about to say he didn't even know him! All the while, Jesus remained calm and forgiving.

Father has been showing me as of late how I have room to improve in this area of relating to people who will let me down. Jesus addresses Peter here as "Simon" - I'm not sure if Jesus is indicating that Peter is about to operate in the flesh and not exactly the "rock" in which the name Peter means. Jesus always looked to his Father for everything - he didn't need people. I'm sure in that instance, I would have been angry with Peter, trying to figure out which other misfit had to be the start of this ministry I was trying to start. I would have to settle the recent "who is the greatest" argument by assuring them they're not as great as me and that they'll get this ready at some point, all the while being incredibly let down and angry with God because of where He had led me, possibly questioning if I had missed a step along the way and was out of His will.

So whatever happens in this life really pales in comparison to what Jesus walked through for us. The point being, though, is the same power in him now resonates in us!

Perspectives

I had a dream recently. I don't often have dreams of any kind, so if I have something, especially not pertaining to something that I'm emersed in, I tend to pay attention.

In the dream, it was as if I was watching a movie in first-person. I saw the reel begin with the countdown of 3-2-1 in black and white, and then the title, "Perspectives". I watched as a man, whom I did not recognize, was sitting in his living room looking out the window across the street at a neighbor's house. He turned toward the direction of another room and yelled to his wife, "Can you believe the neighbors? It's June already and he doesn't even have his crops in! Gosh - and his yard is such a mess!!!" The man was obviously annoyed and distraught by his neighbor's inability to maintain his yard and found it completely ridiculous that he couldn't even get his crops in. It was June - too late to plant crops.
The scene faded out, and then faded in. The setting was the same. This unknown man was looking out the window again. This time he turned toward his wife in the other room and said, "Honey, have you seen the neighbor's house? He needs help - it's June and his crops aren't even in. The least we can do is mow his yard for him." As it faded out, I heard a voice over, a narrator I guess, say "It's a matter of perspectives".

It is amazing what a change in our perspective will do. This was the same exact situation, but because of perspectives - one outcome was a man to extend help and bless his neighbor, the other of judgement and anger. Which am I? The other point I think in this was - I didn't know what was the deal with the neighbor and why he wasn't able to keep up - but does that matter? So often I find myself ascribing motive to my "neighbor" and miss out on opportunity to bless. This is a situation where we are not to be the judge. If we'll be watchful, it is amazing how many times the Father is giving us opportunity to help our "neighbor" if we just pay attention...

Sin Is Its Own Punishment

Sin is its own punishment! I used to think that by going through a "sanctification process", I was setting myself apart from the world for God. Wow, what a Pharisee I had become! Here is the problem with this stance and a portion of the evangelical church.

Many believe the best form of evangelism is to talk about Hell and eternal condemnation. But if someone comes to the Lord through those means, do they really come to know the Lord? The begining of wisdom is the fear of God. I believe begining because He draws us into relationship. And it is relationship with Him - not through fear of hell. The fear of hell should not be the motivation - pefect love casts out fear. If He is love, how can we come to know Him truly if we are afraid of incurring His wrath? It also breeds this "in" and "out" mentality. This is often how "movements" start, and churches...

A few years ago, I was talking to a man about Godly living, the world, and sanctification. He told me, "If I just lived by what I wanted, I'd be a part of an orgy every night with 40 or more women. I don't, because I serve God." Hmm. Really? The reality is, He gives us free will, and the freedom to fail - to try things and find that when we come to the end of ourselves, He's right there waiting for us. We should not want to take part of an orgy because it isn't what is best for us. It is to our benefit to avoid for the sake of our physical bodies, our spiritual bodies, our spouse, family, etc. The word says to obstain from such an activity, not for the sake of following some law in drudgery, but because that is what is best for our well-being. The bible says, "Thou shalt not steal." I don't steal from my neighbor because of a love for him as a fellow man and how he'd feel if I stole from him. When we view sin as the fun stuff the world gets to do that we aren't allowed to indulge in, this breeds the "in/out" mentality and gives us something to boast in. It also gives us some sort of twisted solace knowing people will be punished for the wicked things I'm forsaking as service to God. "I've followed the whole law since I was young" as the rich young ruler said. We get to define our own morality and spirituality by twisting scripture to justify our theology and actions. This is how we maintain superiority over "sinners." This doesn't sound like freedom! A life lived loved with our Father realizes that sin is its own worst punishment, and life in Him offers true freedom. The wages of sin is death. To the world, they are enslaved to this because they don't know any differently - but a Father in heaven loves them and wants to free them from the bondage of their own sin.

The Prodigal and Parenting

Then He said: A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.’ So he divided to them his livelihood. And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living. But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything.
“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.”’
“And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ And they began to be merry.
“Now his older son was in the field. And as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and because he has received him safe and sound, your father has killed the fatted calf.’
“But he was angry and would not go in. Therefore his father came out and pleaded with him. So he answered and said to his father, ‘Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends. But as soon as this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him.’
“And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found.’” Luke 15:11-32 NKJV

I have written about this little passage quite a bit as of late (see 'Freedom to Fail'). There is another lesson here - how am I as a parent? Am I giving the freedom to fail? Or am I trying to remain in control?

I've thought a lot about this as of late. We were out eating pizza for lunch recently when a man approached our table and asked, "Are all these related to you?" We get this a lot, having 7 children. Most people look at us like you would a car accident or some sort of freak show. I responded with a "yes" and we exchanged a few words and went on eating. I didn't think much of the exchange. Later, though, as I was checking out at the register, the man approached me again. He told me he was a retired child psychologist, and was analyzing the exchanges of our children during lunch. Yikes! He asked, "So how do you do it? I can see a genuine love with how you, your wife, and your children interact and interrelate with one another." I responded by saving that we have a genuine love for our children, which he responded with, "Is 'Just Love' some organization you work with or what? I realize I've dealt with deviant behavior in children for most of my career, but I want to share your story - so how do you do it?" After being pressed again, I said that we love the Lord and we rely on Him. He replied, "That's nice and all - a lot of people say 'I believe in Jesus' but are just as screwed up as everyone else...you're different...what's different?" "Learning to live a relaxed live in the love of my Father," I told him. Then I joked with him that he could come tomorrow and one of our children could be standing on the tables or yelling or who knows...difference is - we try to see what we need to learn from every situation. We're long past being embarrassed by our children's behavior in public, and therefore don't feel compelled to control them - they behave because they love us, not because we demand it. We ended up talking for about 20 minutes about parenting and our relationship with the Lord. I don't know where he stood with all of it, but he wanted to interview us and make us a feature of some psych journal or magazine in which he contributes. It was an interesting exchange - I was blessed and encouraged, but it challenged me, too. I told him I'd think on the interview...not sure I want my life unveiled quite like that...this on the heals of a social worker visit for the adoption...but maybe we should? I don't know...I feel as though we're not all that worthy of the attention...but anyway...

So what am I doing as a parent?

After reading the passage above again, and this recent exchange, I had to ask myself - am I giving my children the freedom to fail? Good behavior is nice - that gets noticed...but good behavior can come at the expense of learning from failure. Is my children's sin more of a problem because of how it reflects on me as a parent, or because of their well-being? I understand we have to draw the line at times - I'm not going to give the keys to the ATV to my 4 year old, or allow my 12 year old to date. But do I give my children the freedom to fail? Would I look back at the life of a prodigal child and say it is all worthwhile if they come back? Or would I condemn them for not living the way I had raised them and didn't do things the way I would have? Having a teenager in the house is making for some interesting times. Can I see the redemptive in failures and "train them up in the way they should go?"

Freedom to Fail

Then He said: A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.’ So he divided to them his livelihood. And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living. But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything.
“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.”’
“And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring[b] out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ And they began to be merry.
“Now his older son was in the field. And as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and because he has received him safe and sound, your father has killed the fatted calf.’
“But he was angry and would not go in. Therefore his father came out and pleaded with him. So he answered and said to his father, ‘Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends. But as soon as this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him.’
“And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found.’” Luke 15:11-32 NKJV

This has become a favorite of mine. As of late, the Lord is showing me a different angle on the story: Father giving us the freedom to fail. This is exactly what the Lord did with Adam and Eve in the garden. Likewise, we must give others this same freedom. For most of my "christian life", I focused on the sin at the fall with Adam and Eve and how that act caused the rest of us all this misery. I see now something different here. For one, I'm redeemed and can live a life in the garden once again (see Joel 2), but also I see that maybe what God was after was relationship and trust...and if they were willing to eat of the tree, did they really have a great level of trust? In the story above, was it worth it to the father to have his son lose everything in order to be one with the father once again? I think that father would say it is all worth it...just like what happened with Adam and Eve...and for us today! Only by trusting Him do we find our fulfillment. I'm learning to focus on Him and my trust, not on the sin.

God seems to be less concerned about our mistakes and more concerned about our response. This reveals our heart. Does it reveal it to Him? Probably not - I think it is 100% for our benefit as He already knows. The right response, like the 'prodigal son', is to run to Him. The wrong response is to run and hide.

In "He Loves Me" by Wayne Jacobsen, he puts it this way:

A familiar proverb advises that if you love something you should set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. Only those who have loved something enough to let it go can even get a glimpse of what God accomplished in that Garden.

What a love this Father has for me and for us!

A Turning Point - Learning to Live Relaxed

Our children, along with some friends, took part in Cupcake Kids by selling cupcakes to raise money to send to Uganda. What an amazing success!

This was a small event that God was using to do something significant in my life. He's been showing me how to live a more "relaxed" life in Him. Thanks to the guys over at the God Journey, I'm learning more and more each day how to live life in the affection of my Father. So, just what happened on a rainy day selling cupcakes that's so significant?

As we were planning to do the sale, my wife was talking with the children and said they should come up with some kind of goal. My son Jonah yelled with great enthusiasm, "10 million." After some further diliberation, they arrived at a goal of $300. The plan was to have some sort of meter to chart the goal throughout the day.

In the week leading up, the forecast was 100% chance of rain all week. We were a bit discouraged, pleading with God to move the rain, or hoping that the weathermen were wrong. As Friday evening came and I was sitting with the children, we were preparing to pray when I shared something. It had to have been the Lord, and I think I needed to hear it more than they did, but here is what I shared.

If one of you has a gift of faith, go ahead and pray to move the storms. But if you don't, let's pray that we'll be able to relax and just see God's hand at work tomorrow as He unfolds the day with us. Let's embrace the day.

So we awoke the next morning to a lovely, rainy day. My son's baseball game was canceled, so it freed me up to help the rest of the gang to prepare and setup. It continued to rain for most of the day. We had upwards of 28 dozen cupcakes laid out. I fought any sort of discouragement trying to rise up - the rain, our somewhat disorganized plan of attack, my to-do list at home awaiting me, etc. So instead of hurriedly rushing off to tackle another thing off my to-do list at home, I hung around, hoping to enjoy the company of the folks who were there. We made some signs. We decided against the meter - we wanted to see what God could do and not limit Him to $300. I watched my daughter, typically shy and introverted, jump around in the rain, getting people's attention to stop and buy cupcakes, all the while not voicing any complaint about the lousy conditions. She even went door to door later in the day! People I didn't expect to come or be overly concerned with such an event came out and donated. I was really blessed and astounded at how God worked and whom He chose. After 4 hours, we decided to pack up - we had 10 dozen cupcakes left. It began to POUR down rain. Later in the evening, we took the remaining cupcakes to church, and after 7 dozen remained, we sent them off with a gentleman who dropped them off at the local mission.

The gang made $616.34 selling cupcakes in the rain in 5 hours. What an awesome Father we have!

The old me would have prayed for that storm to move away. I would have prayed, even hours, for that storm to go. Saturday morning, I would have woke up, convinced God didn't like me and that the day would be a bust. I would have missed out on everything, being a total grump for having "missed the mark" somewhere along the way. Instead, He helped me embrace the day, and together we watched how He decided to have it unfold. This isn't to say that I don't believe in faith that moves storms, I just think I spent a lot of time trying to convince God and manipulate Him into my desired outcome. That's a tired life. Relationally engaging Him and finding out what He is up to is much more fulfilling. Embracing trials and allowing Him to be the lamp unto our feet - that's freeing! He does do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine!!!

The Free Man and the Religious Man

Then He said: A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.’ So he divided to them his livelihood. And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living. But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything.
“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.”’
“And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ And they began to be merry.
“Now his older son was in the field. And as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and because he has received him safe and sound, your father has killed the fatted calf.’
“But he was angry and would not go in. Therefore his father came out and pleaded with him. So he answered and said to his father, ‘Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends. But as soon as this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him.’
“And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found.’” Luke 15:11-32 NKJV

I find this story fascinating - the father gives all he has to the children. The one blows it on wayward living, the other doesn't. But what struck me here is the father calls for the fatted calf when the prodigal returns. The fatted calf was no longer his to give! It belonged to the son who remained. But the son who remained at home, seemed to have done it out of duty, service, and self-righteousness. His heart is revealed as his level of joy doesn't seem to match that of the father's. The son who remained at home seemed to hold his possessions tightly. His brother returned, was welcomed back into the fold - but all he could do is complain about his "belongings" being used and feeling sorry for himself since no party was thrown for him. Wow - looks like his eyes were on himself! The reality is, the son who remained seemed to do so out of duty, and was tight-fisted. He didn't seem to share in the things that excited his father.

Isn't that a picture of us? Hanging around in the church, talking about, even to our Father, but not really caring about what is on the Father's heart! Do we desire to share in His sufferings?

So where are my eyes? Are they fixed on Him or myself? Am I tight-fisted, or am I freely sharing? Do I share in what delights my Father? Unfortunately, I often find myself feeling like the son who stayed at home - who's throwing me a party? Where's my fatted calf? Am I generous as I should be in my giving? Am I giving out of a cheerful heart as a response to His love for me, or am I giving as an act of service for Him?

Judgement Coming?

There has been much talk surrounding Japan, and with the flood of prophesies surrounding Japan, and now California, there seems to be this underlying message that these things are occurring or going to occur because of judgement. For one, I find it in poor taste to push out prophetic words, saying "God's judgement," in their greatest time of need. I also find it odd that we're going to say California is next because God hates gays, Hollywood, the tech sector, and porn. Is that only in California? So New York is fine, the financial capital of the world? Or is love of money just more socially acceptable? What about Arkansas? They house the headquarters of a company forcing thousands of children into slave labor. They don't get judgement? Oh wait, cheaper clothes, groceries, etc. is more financially responsible so we can tithe more...is that it? Is that why they're safe?

Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. (Ez 16:49-50 NIV)

I'm on a Message Bible kick as of late, so I'll include that here, too.

The sin of your sister Sodom was this: She lived with her daughters in the lap of luxury—proud, gluttonous, and lazy. They ignored the oppressed and the poor. They put on airs and lived obscene lives. And you know what happened: I did away with them. (Ez 16:49-50 MSG)

So while many Hollywood actors have concern for social justice issues and are actually caring for the widow and orphan, we're going to fill a pew and cast judgement. Way to be salt and light! I'm really frustrated with how we can't seem to find the positive and look for God's hand at work in the earth. Praise God we live in a nation that cares for its own through social programs - should the church being doing that? Sure. But is it? Somewhat. Instead of complaining about who is doing this wrong, or that group doesn't do this - let's look at ourselves. Are we loving Father with all our heart? I'm done with firing missiles at others who aren't measuring up to our standards, all the while we aren't doing much of anything ourselves...ugh!