In the midst of the trials of adoptive parenting, God has been revealing little nuggets of truth along the way. I write mostly for my own benefit, but if someone else can glean something from my babble, then by all means read. Here is the first of what I hope to be a number of installments about what I've learned in the beginning stages of this journey.
Exodus 32 says that the Israelites came before Aaron and said, "Come, make us gods that shall go before us." They didn't know what "came of Moses," so instead of waiting, they decided it would be best to make their own god. The story goes on as they melted their gold and fashioned a golden calf to worship. Interesting to note here - there desire was for a god to go before them, but they were tired of waiting on Moses, whom was talking to the one true God. The story continues with Moses returning and God quite angry with what has come of His people. Moses returns, asks who is on the Lord's side, and says, "Thus says the Lord God of Israel: ‘Let every man put his sword on his side, and go in and out from entrance to entrance throughout the camp, and let every man kill his brother, every man his companion, and every man his neighbor.’” So the sons of Levi did according to the word of Moses. And about three thousand men of the people fell that day. Then Moses said, “Consecrate yourselves today to the Lord, that He may bestow on you a blessing this day, for every man has opposed his son and his brother.”
Fast forward several thousand years. Acts 2 it says three thousand were added to their number on that day of Pentecost. They waited around after Jesus had left. They persevered in waiting. Jesus had promised a helper to go before them (and us) - the Holy Spirit. Another thing that caught my eye in this passage in Exodus - Moses' instructions were to "go in and out from entrance to entrance throughout the camp" and to kill his 'brother.' The 'going' throughout the camp, that's what it takes to bind the strong man. Jesus mentioned cleaning the house. We must clean the house first - so many falsified structures built on lies in these children. So many false beliefs. Jesus said something about following him at the expense of natural family members. Full devotion. All in. This is a FULL-TIME job, requiring full devotion and no care to who is looking at you and what they think.
What does all this mean? Not exactly sure. The Israelites had an honest hearts desire - a desire for a god to go before them. They just went ahead of God in striving in their flesh to make this god. It isn't too far off from their desire for a king. Jesus was the coming King. The Israelites wanted a king, but they couldn't wait so they got Saul. Maybe 3,000 perished in Exodus 32, but not in vain. But maybe it was just merely punishment and God redeemed it thousands of years later. I'm certainly not diminishing God's holiness or any such notion condoning the behavior of Aaron and the people making an idol. But I am pondering this same notion of His ways are certainly not our ways. Sometimes things happen that are much bigger than our lifetime. It is hard to get that perspective of eternity, especially while in the trenches. But also, too, what if we didn't look at the Israelites as a group of morons making their own god out of metal, but acting on a misguided hearts desire for something that was indeed Godly? Maybe their heart desired the right thing, but in execution it failed miserably? Or maybe they had a desire in their heart, but had expectation of their own desired outcome and missed out. They just didn't wait and endure. Reminds me of a blog entry a few years ago I posted about Peter - Peter fell asleep 3 times while failing to wait and keep watch, later denying Christ 3 times. Could that be applied to us? Maybe in our parenting? Maybe our children deserve more grace - their defiance may in fact be in a hearts desire to do something good....but just comes out really, really wrong. Maybe things that we've instituted as discipline that makes them seemingly miserable is just days away from a breakthrough, if we're willing to patiently wait. Discipline is an expression of love...we know that all too well these days...
How many times have I had a true desire for something, only to sabotage the initiative by not waiting? Or maybe as it relates to our situation, I can't dictate the outcome, but God may be using this to do a work in me. No matter the outcome - good or bad - what is He doing in me? I don't want to miss out, being too overly focused on the outcome I'm not getting and how uncomfortable and fruitless this process seems to be. Thankfully, God is in the business of redemption!
Exodus 32 says that the Israelites came before Aaron and said, "Come, make us gods that shall go before us." They didn't know what "came of Moses," so instead of waiting, they decided it would be best to make their own god. The story goes on as they melted their gold and fashioned a golden calf to worship. Interesting to note here - there desire was for a god to go before them, but they were tired of waiting on Moses, whom was talking to the one true God. The story continues with Moses returning and God quite angry with what has come of His people. Moses returns, asks who is on the Lord's side, and says, "Thus says the Lord God of Israel: ‘Let every man put his sword on his side, and go in and out from entrance to entrance throughout the camp, and let every man kill his brother, every man his companion, and every man his neighbor.’” So the sons of Levi did according to the word of Moses. And about three thousand men of the people fell that day. Then Moses said, “Consecrate yourselves today to the Lord, that He may bestow on you a blessing this day, for every man has opposed his son and his brother.”
Fast forward several thousand years. Acts 2 it says three thousand were added to their number on that day of Pentecost. They waited around after Jesus had left. They persevered in waiting. Jesus had promised a helper to go before them (and us) - the Holy Spirit. Another thing that caught my eye in this passage in Exodus - Moses' instructions were to "go in and out from entrance to entrance throughout the camp" and to kill his 'brother.' The 'going' throughout the camp, that's what it takes to bind the strong man. Jesus mentioned cleaning the house. We must clean the house first - so many falsified structures built on lies in these children. So many false beliefs. Jesus said something about following him at the expense of natural family members. Full devotion. All in. This is a FULL-TIME job, requiring full devotion and no care to who is looking at you and what they think.
What does all this mean? Not exactly sure. The Israelites had an honest hearts desire - a desire for a god to go before them. They just went ahead of God in striving in their flesh to make this god. It isn't too far off from their desire for a king. Jesus was the coming King. The Israelites wanted a king, but they couldn't wait so they got Saul. Maybe 3,000 perished in Exodus 32, but not in vain. But maybe it was just merely punishment and God redeemed it thousands of years later. I'm certainly not diminishing God's holiness or any such notion condoning the behavior of Aaron and the people making an idol. But I am pondering this same notion of His ways are certainly not our ways. Sometimes things happen that are much bigger than our lifetime. It is hard to get that perspective of eternity, especially while in the trenches. But also, too, what if we didn't look at the Israelites as a group of morons making their own god out of metal, but acting on a misguided hearts desire for something that was indeed Godly? Maybe their heart desired the right thing, but in execution it failed miserably? Or maybe they had a desire in their heart, but had expectation of their own desired outcome and missed out. They just didn't wait and endure. Reminds me of a blog entry a few years ago I posted about Peter - Peter fell asleep 3 times while failing to wait and keep watch, later denying Christ 3 times. Could that be applied to us? Maybe in our parenting? Maybe our children deserve more grace - their defiance may in fact be in a hearts desire to do something good....but just comes out really, really wrong. Maybe things that we've instituted as discipline that makes them seemingly miserable is just days away from a breakthrough, if we're willing to patiently wait. Discipline is an expression of love...we know that all too well these days...
My wife read me something this morning that equated parenting to putting a jigsaw puzzle together. But with these children, the puzzle doesn't come with the border pieces, somehow about 15 pieces from another puzzle was thrown in, and we lost 10 of the original pieces. And as you try to piece things together, you realize the box was left out in the rain and the picture is unrecognizable. In the midst of the battle, it is hard to see the destination when you can't see a picture of what redemption looks like. I guess that's what faith is all about. That's where the Israelites failed. That's one of the most trying parts of this adoptive parenting stuff - where are we going? What does the destiny of redemption even look like?
How many times have I had a true desire for something, only to sabotage the initiative by not waiting? Or maybe as it relates to our situation, I can't dictate the outcome, but God may be using this to do a work in me. No matter the outcome - good or bad - what is He doing in me? I don't want to miss out, being too overly focused on the outcome I'm not getting and how uncomfortable and fruitless this process seems to be. Thankfully, God is in the business of redemption!
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