Evangelism

I have given some thought to evangelism as of late.  I have listened to discussions on the hour in which we live, who to share with, and how to share.  How would I "share" Jesus?

I thought of an allegory of sorts.  If Jenn, my wife, was always talking about her groom, and someone wanted to meet me, it could look like any of these scenes.  These are some takes on how I would have described Him in the past...

"You've come to meet my groom-to-be?  He is so wonderful.  He is kind and compassionate, always listening.  He is so wonderful.  Let me

  A.) take you upstairs to his room.  I'd love to show you his room.

  B.)  take you into the kitchen.  I can show you our calendar and how many activities we do together.

  C.)  take you upstairs .  I have all his love letters to me bound together in a book.

  D.) show you my jewelry box.  He has given me so much jewelry.  Then I can show you all of the gifts He's bought me over the years.

  E.) show you all the things he's done around here.  He's so good at doing my honey-do list!

  F.) get you to help me with all this stuff I need to get done for him.  I know if I don't do all this stuff and stay busy, he's going to get mad.  But he's so wonderful.

   G.) go get him and introduce you to him.  We can sit back and take a rest, all of us together.  He has blessed me in so many ways!

I think if I was at the door, and the response was A-F, my initial response would be, "Did he die?  Has he left on vacation?  Why can't I meet him?"  Maybe that's where the world is with His bride.  Kind of reminds me of Elijah, mocking the folks worshiping their idols and waiting for their false gods to deliver them.  Or, is it what Jesus said?  Have we waited too long, so we've started beating each other up (Lk12:45)?  I think we have emotionally and spiritually in our hurts, angst, and disappointments...

I can remember in the early part of my walk, if someone asked about my journey, I'd tell them where I went to church, tell them about a pastor or teacher, or all the things we did at the church.  But as I moved into the discipline of prayer, I made my list of what I wanted or what other people wanted and took it to God.  Many times that led to disappointment when my list didn't get done just as I wanted.  Then we moved into charismatic flavors of the church, and it was all about the gifts.  You have to move in the gifts.  And you better be busy pressing in, praying for stuff in a certain way for a certain length of time, or else He'll get mad and smite our state, town, country, etc.  And if it is really important, starve yourself - He'll change His mind if He sees His bride starving herself!  Then, let's make the form different - as if religion at home in a home church is any different than any other religious institution.  Wayne Jacobsen likes to say, "At least the Pope is in Rome." 

Let's call sin for what it is - It is doing anything apart from Him.

I have been there myself [heartache for the lost], I know their deal and devotion; their problem is not their passion, but their ignorance.  They are tirelessly busy with their own efforts to justify themselves while blatantly ignoring the fact that God already justified them in Christ.  -Romans 10:2-3 Mirror

The message puts it this way:

I readily admit that the Jews are impressively energetic regarding God—but they are doing everything exactly backward. They don’t seem to realize that this comprehensive setting-things-right that is salvation is God’s business, and a most flourishing business it is. Right across the street they set up their own salvation shops and noisily hawk their wares. After all these years of refusing to really deal with God on his terms, insisting instead on making their own deals, they have nothing to show for it.

Sound familiar?  Paul could write that today.  God's terms, be still and know Him.  Rest.  Enter into His rest.  It still means works - fruit - but through faith.  It's effortless.  If it is works without faith or *for* Him, without entering His rest, it's exhausting.  Rest apart from Him is merely laziness and life in the lust of the flesh...and that's not rest!

The culmination of this journey is summed up in a Person.  Not in the word.  Not in the law.  Not in experiences.  Not in gifts.  Not even in blessings.  I'm thankful for all those things as a bonus to the Person of Jesus, and the relationship with Him.  Unfortunately I still stay too busy to see Him in everyday unfolding of life.  Today has enough worry of it's own.  See what unfolds as He puts things and people on our hearts.  Live loved!

Overestimating Myself

"The greatest barrier to living-loved is the overestimation of our own capability." -Wayne Jacobsen

I heard that on one of his podcasts several weeks ago.  The words echoed in my soul.  One of those times a man is saying something, but you know it is a living God really speaking through someone to you.  "Is this my problem,"  I wondered.  Is this why I live in a state of joylessness and constantly stressed out?  Within that same podcast, he quoted this scripture:

 What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don’t be afraid of missing out. You’re my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself. -Luke 12:29-32 MSG

Relaxed?  Me??  Ha!  Afraid of missing out? 

On the way to church one Sunday morning, I could hear that still, small voice whisper, "If I asked you to walk away from your house, would you?"  I thought for a moment, then replied, "That would seem unwise, plus that's a lot of money to leave on the table."  Then He asked, "If I asked you to do something totally different in your career, would you do it?"  He reminded me when we first moved, I had this itch to open a Rita's or a Subway up our way.  New town, no real experience in the restaurant industry - but I was ready to jump.  Man, was that naive and dumb...or was it?  I don't know...within 2 years, 3 Rita's opened up.  They're still around 7 years later.  Have I lost my child-like faith?  Or youthful zeal?  Or am I wiser and better at 'planning a tower' (Luke 14:28)?  I continued pondering, "No way I'd leave my career - I'm really good at this software engineering stuff.  I know what I'm doing - I'm good at it.  If you asked me to farm, I know some stuff about that, so maybe.  But anything else...I don't think so."  Hmm, where am I putting my trust - Him or me?  I started out good.  I truly believe my talents and abilities are God-given, and God watered them along the way to make them flourish.  But somewhere along the way, I took what He gave and ran with it.  Now my trust is in my own capability and not in Him.

There is comfort in sticking with what is safe and familiar.  And for a guy who always wants the 32,000 foot view, there is safety in that, too.  There is also the aspect of knowing the cost.  But in the end, what I'm finding is He doesn't seem too particularly interested in our comfort.  He's more in it for our hearts.  He's after our hearts.  He loves us.  I feel like the season ahead will bring great change if we fully trust and rest in Him.  My wife said this is the season to dream.  That's downright scary!

Life Disrupted

A lot has happened since I last wrote.   Life in so many ways got "disrupted."  And in the midst of it all, even though I consider myself a 'friend of God' after years of transitioning out of religion to a life-lived-loved, in my pain I told Him to give me some space.  As of late, I'm finding myself trying to overcome my offense with Him, figuring out how we got here, and sort through the garbage pile of lies and see what is truly of Him.

And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” -Matthew 27:46ESV

I can remember feeling this way.  I'm not saying I was enduring any sort of physical death on a cross or putting my trials on par with what Christ endured - I could just identify with the feeling.   Father reminded me this week of a vivid memory - driving to meet a friend just after Christmas, I prayed for most of the hour plus drive saying, "I feel so forsaken and alone, please help me!"  It is a scary, lonely place to be.  But then He directed me to the end of this story:

Then Jesus, calling out with a loud voice, said, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit!” And having said this he breathed his last. -Luke 23:46ESV

 Jesus became the very nature of sin on our behalf.  In those moments as he was taking that on, he couldn't see the Father.  A man who knew perfect harmony and and perfect fellowship with the Father lost it.  Wow - that's some loneliness!  And in perfect trust, as he breathed his last, he tells his Father, "Here I come," knowing that He is still there.

I, in a sense, told Him to go stick it.  I was mad at Him.  And He's ok with that.  But after nine long months, I'm crawling back to Him.  That's been really important to understand - I'm crawling back to Him.  He never left me.  I chose to hide myself from Him, not the other way around.  And I'm seeing it's an issue with my trust in Him.  I threw a 2-year old temper tantrum, and He patiently weathered it out.  We walked this rode so through this, God could show me my heart.  Not for His sake - He knows me infinitely better than I know me.  He's just continually showing me my heart - my true reality.  I don't trust like Jesus.  We got to that critical hour in the journey and I said, "I fold.  I'm out."

And after the grand tantrum is over, He's there to embrace me and show me what He has for me.  There is no wooden spoon.

Freedom for others to journey themselves

I'm fresh off a visit with a friend who is going through a transition in life and, quite frankly, considering some pretty bizarre things. I'm not quite sure how to handle it, but it is reminding me of how we need to give one another freedom to have our own journey.

If anyone had the right to demand conformity and obedience, it was Jesus. He had his band of misfits and never once demanded anything of their person. He walked along side them, in all their faults and misgivings. He wanted people to follow Him out of conviction of their heart and conscience, not because he was able to effectively threaten or manipulate them. Love wins. Jesus modeled that the joy of participating in the Father's family was far more life-giving than strict obedience and conformity.

This is what won over the woman who was facing being stoned (John 8). "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." The only one who was without sin, the only one to remain, did not throw a stone. "Vengeance is mine says the Lord." For some reason, this provided some sort of solace for me - like God would nuke my enemies as long as I could keep my cool! What if vengeance is His, and He chooses not to unleash it? This was the case with that woman - by the law, she deserved the punishment. Maybe our view of Him and His wrath is scewed? Anyway, the point here is that Jesus didn't condemn, but gave her the freedom to be won over by love.

Paul demonstrated this as well. "We have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. By setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God."(2 Cor 4:2) Ephesians 5:21, Paul tells us to "submit one to another."

By letting others have their own journey, we can be honest with ourselves and with others in how we see things differently. We can allow our conscience to lead us. We can love, even when we don't agree. This is part of submitting ourselves one to another.

God and Banana Peels

What does God have to do with banana peels?  Absolutely nothing.  Stick with me...

After a crazy 4 months of the new year, my wife and I have been unraveling a web of burnout, lack of self-confidence, religion, resentment, and bitterness.  All the while wondering, why us?  Why has life unfolded this way?  I can't help but feel like the man in the ditch that Jesus spoke of in Luke 10:35-38.

My wife and I were talking this morning.  She was lamenting about someone on-line who had some phrase-ology that went something like, " _______ - it's all about Jesus."  You can fill in the blank.  We all know these people.  I was one.  I probably still am.  Jesus is not just about whatever one thing you're doing.  He's not just into pastors.  He's not all into church-planting.  He isn't just into worship.  He's not all about adoption.  He's not all about big families or homeschooling.  He's not all about anti-homosexual agendas, griping about the government or end-time eschatology.  If you're into that - great.  Maybe.  Who am I to judge, right?  But if you think you're better than the rest of us for it - barf!  And then when called self-righteous for your boasting and religious-speak, crying, "Persecution" - double barf!!!

That discussion lead us to how God has really changed our perspective and motivation, not only over the past few years, but accelerated it over the past few months.  We reflected on some recent conversations, and how those conversations helped us to see how much *we've* changed.  We've been told all sorts of stuff about the recent events that unfolded within our family.  We were told we weren't equipped to deal with our circumstance - essentially weren't good enough.  We were told we're outside the body and on an island - how could anyone know it was so hard?  We were told we must have misinterpreted God's call and were outside of His will.   I was told, "God will make things happen to trip us up so he can teach us a lesson."

What kind of God do we think He is?  The bible says we love because He first loved us.  So if I think about how I love my children, would I ever manipulate my child's circumstances to purposefully trip them up so I could teach them a lesson?  That sounds maniacal!  We joked about the cartoons and how banana peels are always strategically placed in the path for the character to put his foot down and go zooming to his butt.  So next time my son forgets to put his shoes away, should I put them by his bedside with a banana peel stuck underneath so when he gets dressed in the morning, he puts them on, takes a step, falls flat on his back, and I get to run up to his room, laugh at his misfortune, and teach him a lesson about forgetting to put away his shoes?  Would that look like I was *for* him or *against* him?

I bought into that lie for quite some time.  I was constantly wanting to know in any and every circumstance, "What is the lesson here?"  God was teaching me a lesson, walking the tight-rope will of God.  But when I really thought about it - what I really believed was a life-force that was manipulating the universe to constantly wear me down, making me deny myself and teach me a lesson.  In other words, putting banana peels all over the place to teach me some lessons.  Wow, what a god!

Maybe God created me in His image, and I believed a bunch of lies about myself along the way in this journey called life.  

We've learned this - life doesn't always turn out "right."  WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!  You can do everything "right," and things still turn out "wrong."  Poo happens.  Thankfully, our God is right there with us in the manure-piles of life.

Winter, Disillusionment, and Some Perspective

I was out on our front deck recently, overlooking our snow-covered, barren yard.   Life over the last 18 months had finally caught up to me. The reality of never having our Latvian daughter in our home was tough to bear.  The picture of what life will be like with our new son moving forward has become a thorn in my side. I have never known 'tired' like I know now.  At my most recent low point, I was gravely disappointed that the Mayans were wrong.  But echoing in my head repeatedly is a phrase that came to my friend over 2 years ago as we prayed together, "Focus on the bright spots."  I continued to look out on the dead of winter that had set in.  I thought to myself ,"Bright spots?"  The young blueberry bushes caught my eye.  They looked like little sticks jutting out of the ground.  Dead.  Much how I felt.  Dead.  As I looked around, I lamented to the Lord, "Yuck, everything is so dead.  It's so cold."  Silence.  I continued, "Not everywhere in the world has this ridiculous cycle of warmth and cold.  I'm not much for the cold.  Bright spots?  Where are these bright spots?"  Then in the midst of the chill, "It's the season.  Life comes in seasons.  Those blueberry bushes aren't dead - their roots are deepening and strengthening.  Though it looks unfruitful, this season is preparing them for a fruitful spring.  Seasons.  Knowing the seasons is important.  Preparation."  I was overwhelmed with the sense of us being in that season.  I don't feel fruitful.  I feel dead.  The words of Jim Palmer still haunt me.  Do I *really* want to know this God of ours?  I'm in the midst of real pain, real hurt, real life beyond my suburban, western, posh life.  The wearing out tactics of the enemy were working.  I wanted to run as far as I can from this mess.  Winter.  Yuck.

Another voice continues to echo in my soul.  I remember calling my friend Jim with a sense of panic at week one of bringing home our son.  Our conversation went something like this:

"Tom, don't focus on your circumstance.  Focus on what He is doing *in* you and *through* you during this time.  That's what He's in the business of doing - He doesn't care about your comfort, He cares about your heart."

Hrumph.  I knew that, but at the same time, I didn't really know that.  That doesn't sound like rainbows and unicorns.  I wanted rainbows and unicorns.  Not really.  I was prepared for a work, messy work, just not this work.  This is a lot of work!  Different work.  I was ready to build a bridge over the Jordan - I had planned a beautiful bridge...unfortunately, we arrived at the Red Sea.

The conversation continued:

"You prayed for something - you brought this on yourself, you know?  What did you pray for?"

"Well, we prayed that the Lord would break our hearts with what broke His and teach us to love like He does."

We both chuckled.  He said, "Well of course! He answered that one, didn't He!?!  And I bet somewhere in there you prayed to sharpen your spiritual warfare skills, too.  Battle-time, buddy!  Saddle up!"

Recently we spoke again.  His word for us, "Remember in the Word, when the disciples were frustrated that deliverance wasn't coming with a particular child, Jesus told his disciples 'this one only comes out by prayer and fasting.'  I think he may be telling you '*these ones*' - you ready?  People like you, who endure this race to the end, write books to tell others how to walk with Him and to war in the Spirit to win these battles.  This is the stuff testimonies are made of."

I don't want to write a book.

Faith.  Trust.  This I am learning - I am not in control of the outcome, nor are good outcomes a guarantee.  He's in charge of that.  My disappointment comes at the distance between expectation and reality.  Circumstance isn't what is important.  It is what He is doing in the midst of circumstance. 

Setting deeper roots.  Preparation.

I continue to fertilize with the Word, trying to see what it says about deliverance and "this one," and how others found victory who have gone before us.   I have never been entrenched in spiritual battle quite like I am now.  The victory is ours; can't come soon enough!